Psalm 12

Verses 2 & 6...

Everyone utters lies to his neighbor;
    with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.
The words of the LORD are pure words,
   like silver refined in a furnace on the ground,
   purified seven times.

I sit on my tiny balcony tonight, looking at the bright full moon. This is the same moon seen by God's people throughout thousands of years. And the words He spoke to them so long ago, pure and trustworthy, are the greatest treasure I can ever hold in my hands. The world around us spews forth godless decrees, damaging lies, and foolish drivel, but God's Word stands forever!

Psalm 13

Verses 1-3... 

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
   and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
   light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death.

Lord, unless I am able to enjoy a divine perspective on my situation, I am as good as dead -- lighten my eyes!

Isaian 50:10...
Let him who walks in the dark,
   who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
   and rely on his God

Psalm 13:5-6... 

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
   my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
   because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 14

Verses 2-3...
The LORD looks down from heaven on the children of man, 

   to see if there are any who understand, 

   who seek after God. 

They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; 

   there is none who does good, 

   not even one.

God created man and woman for communion with Himself, but because of Adam and Eve's disobedience, no one by nature seeks after God. They seek the satisfaction and fulfillment that only God can give, but they look in all the wrong places. How great and glorious is the gospel news that Christ provides the way back to God!

Psalm 15

O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? 

   Who shall dwell on your holy hill? 

He who walks blamelessly and does what is right 

     and speaks truth in his heart; 

who does not slander with his tongue 

   and does no evil to his neighbor, 

   nor takes up a reproach against his friend; 

in whose eyes a vile person is despised, 

   but who honors those who fear the LORD; 

who swears to his own hurt and does not change; 

who does not put out his money at interest 

   and does not take a bribe against the innocent. 

He who does these things shall never be moved.

Spurgeon:

"Who shall be admitted to be one of the household of God, to sojourn under His roof and enjoy communion with Himself? ... Who shall be a citizen of Zion, and an inhabitant of the heavenly Jerusalem? ... In perfection this holiness is found only in the Man of Sorrows, but in a measure it is wrought in all His people by the Holy Ghost."

Old letters

My dear one,

As I was going through some old file folders in my ongoing project of decluttering, I ran across some journal pages of letters to you. Here I preserve them digitally...

November 26, 2006
     This season of my life is a challenging one, and I am constantly having to look to Scripture for reminders of my goals.
     "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14). [The very same verse that I referenced in this morning's Psalm post!]
     "...The woman who is unmarries, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit..." (1 Corinthians 7:34). It is my goal to be entirely devoted to God especially during this time in which I have relatively few distractions.
     "That I may know Him..." (Philippians 3:10). That I may be fully acquainted with His nature, His character, His work, and with the salvation which He has wrought.
     I want to choose that "good part" that Mary chose. My Christ teach me as I sit at His feet!

January 11, 2007
     New semester of teaching, new worries! Since I returned to [place of teaching], I've been anxious about my obligation to get my doctorate, and the recent news of [a colleague's] plan to leave escalates those anxieties!
     I don't think my parents realize how scared and vulnerable I feel living on my own. I can't help but wish I could have the comfort and security of marriage when I go back to school. Yet nobody I talk to seems to think that marriage and schooling mix well.
     It's almost as if those little stories I wrote at the age of five were prophetic. The little fawn decided to go out "into the world" and got lost and no one could find him. The End. Slightly hopeless, wouldn't you say?
     I shouldn't feel hopeless, because of my omniscient Heavenly Father. O for grace to trust Him more!

February 5, 2007
     It has been good for me to have a roommate again. It shows me what a selfish person I can be! Speaking of selfishness, my entry on Jan. 11th was quite self-centered. A marriage is not about security, but about service and sacrifice. And I'm not even doing enough of that now, with the relationships God has placed in my life.

April 7, 2007
Nine ways to win my heart:
- Cook my favorite meal
- Share with me what the Lord teaches you
- Use good manners
- Speak a foreign language
- Share your favorite books and music with me
- Sing to me (how about Schumann's "Widmung"?)
- Say my name
- Be comfortable with silence at times
- Smile

July 11, 2007
     From The Journals of Jim Elliot:

Genesis 39 -- Thrice in this chapter it is stated of Joseph that "Jehovah was with him." Not only so, but Potiphar saw that "Jehovah was with hime," for whatever this man put his hand to, prospered. Lord, I know Thou art with me, but I fear that because my life is barrent for Thee so much of the time, that You gain little glory from being with me. I pray Thee, make my way prosperous, not that I achieve high station, but that my life might be an exhibit to the value of knowing God. Vindicate Thyself through me.

     When I read those words this evening, I echoed that prayer of Jim Elliot - for myself, and also for you. May God be with you and make your way prosper, for His honor and glory!

July 17, 2007
     More convicting words from the pen of Jim Elliot:

Deuteronomy 8 -- I see this morning afresh my God's love for me in His earnest desire to see me prosper. As a father chasteneth his son, so He me. "He suffered thee to hunger that He might prove thee" (vv. 2, 3). His Word is given that I might live (1 Pet. 1:23), multiply (John 15:16), and possess (Heb. 10:34). Simply to have life is not all God purposes for me - but I know nothing of multiplication. I am still only a living soul. God make of me a quickening spirit.

August 9, 2007
     In my progress through the M'Cheyne Bible reading plan, one of the passages I'm currently reading is the Book of Ruth.
     Ruth was serving her widowed mother-in-law when God blessed her. If she had chosen to wallow in self-pity about her circumstances, she would not have been out gleaning wheat, where Boaz took notice of her. Likewise Rebekah was going about her daily chores when Abraham's servant used her service as a guide to find Isaac a wife.
     These women were found involved in their daily routines. It was while doing the mundane that God chose to bless them and give them the desire of their heart.
     So instead of waiting for life to "start" at marriage, I should live God's plan for my present. Like Ruth and Rebekah, I must cheerfully go about doing what needs to be done and be an encouragement to those around me.
     Some of my ongoing projects include:
- studying God's Word with the goal of being edified, instructed, and challenged.
- training in the discipline of prayer.
- clothing myself with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit.
- casting from myself any outside influence that is unprofitable and unedifying.
- endeavoring to do my future husband good and not evil, including the vow to remain pure (physically, emotionally, mentally).
- becoming more skillful in areas of homekeeping (such as cooking and budgeting)

August 11, 2007
     God doesn't want me to know now what I will face in the future. He doesn't want me to know if this dream or that dream will come to fruition exactly as I expect. (It probably won't. I've already experienced several several disallusionments...)
     Why? Is it because He takes delight in watching me suffer in uncertainty? No. He withholds future knowledge for my own good. For one thing, I probably wouldn't lead a very peaceful life if I knew every trial I'll ever face and had plenty of time to worry in advance. (Knowing me, I definitely would.) But more to the point, God wants my trust. He wants me to say, "Yes, Lord, I trust You. Even though I can't see how on earth You're going to fulfill this dream You've given me. Even though becoming like You seems impossible. Even though I have no idea where my life is going, I trust You with it."
     If some aspects of my future and of God's nature were not mysteries, where would exist the opportunity for faith? What function would it serve? It would be useless and unnecessary. But God has put such a high value on faith, saying that "without faith it is impossible to please Him." God made faith a vital element. Of course He isn't going to deny me the opportunity of using it!
     The outcome of my life will be the sweeter for my lack of foreknowledge. In time current confusions will fade, and when my life is at an end, I will be able to look back and see the puzzle fully assembled.

August 24, 2007
     I'm curled up on the couch, enjoying some hazelnut-creme decaf and a warm chocolate cherry muffin, listening to "A Quiet Heart." My heart is far from quiet though. As if my loneliness wasn't enough, I'm now agonizing over the fact that the new semester is here. To say I'm excited about the year couldn't be farther from the truth. I can't think of one thing I'm looking forward to. Is life always going to be like this for me? What's wrong with my relationship with the Lord, that I should experience such discontent? I certainly don't deserve any kind of earthly relationship.
     In Jim Elliot's journal he included the following quote:

And shouldst Thou ask me to resign
What most I prize -- it ne'er was mine,
I only give Thee what is Thine --
Thy will be done.

September 14, 2007
     I want so dearly to be worthy of you! Whenever I stop to consider someone I esteem and regard highly, I can't help but think... "Oh, but I am not the least bit worthy of his consideration!" Will I ever experience the awe at being chosen, the disbelief at being pursued, the thrill of being cherished?

September 17, 2007
     I've been praying for you this evening. Searching for the right words... Ephesians 3 jumped out as a model: "That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

September 29, 2007
     When I came to Psalm 80:17 in my Bible reading this morning, I thought to myself, "Yes! This is what I have been praying for 'my dear one'!" Now... I do know that in the context Asaph is referring to a Deliverer, the Messiah, but cannot I ask the Lord's blessing on you? "Let Your hand be upon the man of Your right hand, upon the son of man whom You made strong for Yourself." May God strengthen you in the work He has for you!

November 24, 2007
     I have been enjoying a leisurely Thanksgiving break. The solitude does get monotonous at times, but it also offers uninterrupted seasons of Bible study and prayer. Ever since my getaway two weeks ago, I have sensed a spiritual refreshment that I've long needed. It's wonderful how God uses His servants to edify one another. I want that ministry of encouragement to characterize my life always!

May 3, 2008
I hear music when I look at you; 
A beautiful theme of every dream I ever knew. 
Down deep in my heart I hear it play. 
I feel it start, then melt away. 
I alone have heard this lovely strain, 
I alone have heard this glad refrain. 
Must it be forever inside of me? 
Why can't I let it go? 
Why can't I let you know? 
Why can't I let you know the song my heart would sing? 
That beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring, 
The music is sweet, the words are true, 
The song is you.
(Oscar Hammerstein)

June 23, 2008
     Last week I found a Psalm that has stuck with me constantly since - I think of you when I read it...
Praise ye the LORD. 
Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, 
That delighteth greatly in His commandments. 
His seed shall be mighty upon the earth: 
The generation of the upright shall be blessed. 
Wealth and riches shall be in his house: 
And his righteousness endureth for ever. 
Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness: 
He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous. 
A good man sheweth favour, and lendeth: 
He will guide his affairs with discretion. 
Surely he shall not be moved for ever: 
The righteous shall be in everlasting remembrance. 
He shall not be afraid of evil tidngs: 
His heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD. 
His heart is established, he shall not be afraid, 
Until he sees his desire upon his enemies. 
He hath dispersed, he hath given to the poor; 
His righeousness endureth for ever; 
His horn shall be exalted with honour. 
The wicked shall see it, and be grieved; 
He shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away: 
The desire of the wicked shall perish.
(Psalm 112)

     Those words remind me too of verses I read yesterday in Deuteronomy 28: "The LORD shall establish thee an holy people unto Himself, as He hath sworn unto thee, if thou shalt keep the commandments of theh LORD thy God, and walk in His ways. And all the peoples of the earth shall see that thou art called by the name of the LORD; and they shall be afraid of thee."
     May we live in such a way so as to do nothing to detract from the honor due the Lord!

July 5, 2008
     I really needed to read what I did in A. W. Pink's The Life of David this morning (chapter 14). It reminded me that God so orders His providences as to try our hearts and make manifest what is in them.
     When events transpire which seem to show that it is God's will for me to take a certain step, and things appear to point plainly in that direction, it may only be God trying my heart. When my desires are really set upon a particular object or course, it is a simple thing for me to misinterpret the events of Providence and jump to a wrong conclusion.
     So what am I supposed to do?? It is essential that I have an accurate knowledge of God's Word, a holy state of heart (wherein self is judged, and its natural longings mortified), a broken will -- so I can more clearly discern the path of duty. I must deny all suggestions of ambition and impatience.
     I have myself a current trial of faith and patience, and must treat it as an occasion to practice self-denial. "He that believeth shall not make haste" (Isaiah 28:16). "Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass... Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him" Psalm 37:5,7). O for grace to do so; but such grace has to be definitely, diligently, and daily sought for.

August 22, 2008
     I observed a tender scene this evening that really warmed my heart. In fact, it was so touching that it brought tears to my eyes. Maybe this scene will one day be replayed in our home... a little on of your own in your arms...

September 21, 2008
     In church today, I wrote on the back of my sermon notes page:
Lord, I can't imagine how this desire could not be from You. If it is not, please remove it from me. And if it is, teach me what to do with it!

October 16, 2008
     The Lord has confirmed to me who you are not. I feel so empty of hope. I feel ashamed for ever assuming I knew you.

July 9, 2009
   A thought: could it possibly be that you, even now, write thoughts for me to read someday, as I write these letters to you? I love the written word -- I feel I can use it more fluently than spoken word. Please never judge my intelligence by my speech.

July 18, 2009
   I so long for regular opportunities for meaningful, stimulating conversation such as I enjoyed tonight! I have always been a quiet person, but I pray that God would give me a mate to whome I can really talk! Not just meaningless chatter, which quickly tires me.

Psalm 16

Verse 11...
You make known to me the path of life; 

   in Your presence there is fullness of joy; 

   at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

This verse gives me encouragement to "press on toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." I know I've quoted this Anna L. Waring hymn before, but these words are so fitting here:

My hope I cannot measure, my path to life is free.

My Saviour has my treasure, and He will walk with me.

Psalm 17

Verse 15...

As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness;
   when I awake, I shall be satisfied with Your likeness.

This verse speaks of the complete satisfaction everyone was designed to crave. Adam and Eve knew something of this treasure in the Garden of Eden before the Fall. We catch glimpes of this bliss on our earthly journey. But not until our eternity of glory, when we see our Lord face to face, will we completely comprehend the majesty and worth of Christ!

Psalm 18

Verse 30... 

This God—His way is perfect;
   the word of the Lord proves true;
He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him.

Though I may never understand God's way, it is still perfect. He is true to His word. He is my refuge. He shields me, even in my doubt.

Abide with me: fast falls the eventide; 

the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide. 

When other helpers fail and comforts flee, 

Help of the helpless, O abide with me. 

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day; 

earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away. 

Change and decay in all around I see. 

O Lord who changes not, abide with me.

--Henry F. Lyte

Psalm 19

Verse 1...
The heavens declare the glory of God,
   and the sky above proclaims His handiwork. 

Whenever I'm able to "flee to the mountains" for a day of hiking, the beauty of the landscape, the sounds of rushing water and singing birds, the opportunity for prayer and reflection, and the uplifting conversation with kindred spirits all come together to give me a needed "spiritual re-boot."

Verse 14... 
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
   be acceptable in Your sight,
   O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Christ is the Water of Life

The Well Is Deep

Life is a journey; long is the road,

And when the noontide is high

Souls that are weary faint 'neath their load,

Long for the waters, and cry:

Refrain: 

The well is deep and I require

A draught of the water of life,

But none can quench my soul's desire

For a draught of the water of life;

Till one draws near who the cry will heed,

Helper of men in their time of need,

And I, believing, find indeed

That Christ is the water of life.

Life is a seeking, life is a quest,

Eager and longing desire;

Unto the true things, unto the best,

Godward our spirits aspire.

Life is a finding; vain wand'rings cease

When from the Saviour we claim

All we have longed for, solace and peace,

And we have life in His name.

(Albert Orsborn)

Consolation and good hope

My friends are taking their little girls to ballet class, taking the training wheels off their little boys' bikes, videoing the latest Scripture memory achievement, and deliberating on the name for baby #4. And I just sit shaking my head at Facebook and unfollowing all the happy people that make my heart hurt... 

Or perhaps it's God I'm shaking my head at... 

I confess my heart is chronically ill with restless discontent! 

O Lord, give me "consolation and good hope" to accept Your will for my work here on earth.

Green pastures are before me,

Which yet I have not seen;

Bright skies will soon be o'er me,

Where darkest clouds have been.

My hope I cannot measure,

My path to life is free;

My Saviour has my treasure,

And He will walk with me.

(Anna L. Waring)

Psalm 20

Verse 7...
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

No matter the apparent strength of the world's leaders, the devil's forces, and the terrorist armies, we have a King that reigns over all. Only He is worthy of my complete trust and confidence!

Parallel tracks and prayer

My dear one,

I feel like we are on two parallel tracks running in the same direction. I can see you there just out of reach, yet traveling across the same landscape at the same time. And it's so frustrating!

It's teaching me to persevere in prayer... to cast my burdens at the feet of the One who has control of every detail of my life.

Lord, teach us how to pray aright,

With reverence and with fear;

Though dust and ashes in Thy sight,

We may, we must draw near.

We perish if we cease from prayer;

Oh! grant us power to pray;

And when to meet Thee we prepare,

Lord, meet us by the way.

Burden'd with guilt, convinced of sin,

In weakness, want, and woe,

Fightings without, and fears within,

Lord, whither shall we go?

God of all grace, we bring to Thee

A broken, contrite heart;

Give, what Thine eye delights to see,

Truth in the inward part.

Give deep humility; the sense

Of godly sorrow give;

A strong, desiring confidence

To hear Thy voice and live;—

Faith in the only Sacrifice

That can for sin atone;

To cast our loves, to fix our eyes

On Christ, on Christ alone;—

Patience to watch, and wait, and weep,

Though mercy long delay;

Courage, our fainting souls to keep,

And trust Thee though Thou slay.

Give these, and then Thy will be done;

Thus, strenghen'd with all might,

We, through Thy Spirit and Thy Son,

Shall pray, and pray aright.

(James Montgomery)

Psalm 21

Verses 1-7...

O LORD, in Your strength the king rejoices, 

and in Your salvation how greatly he exults! 

You have given him his heart's desire 

and have not withheld the request of his lips. Selah. 

For You meet him with rich blessings; 

You set a crown of fine gold upon his head. 

He asked life of You; You gave it to him, 

length of days forever and ever. 

His glory is great through Your salvation; 

splendor and majesty You bestow on him. 

For You make him most blessed forever; 

You make him glad with the joy of Your presence. 

For the king trusts in the LORD, 

and through the steadfast love of the Most High 

he shall not be moved.

This psalm and the one I'll read next (Psalm 20) together form form a pair of royal psalms. ESV Study Bible: "Psalm 20 is a prayer that God will give success to the Davidic king, particularly in battle. Psalm 21 gives thanks to God for answering the request of Psalm 20."

These words highlight a righteous ruler... and while we may not find many of those today, we look to Christ as the ultimate fulfillment of the king described in this psalm.

Spurgeon: "The rejoicing of our risen Lord must, like His agony, be unutterable. If the mountains of His joy rise in proportion to the depth of the valleys of his grief, then His sacred bliss is high as the seventh heaven. For the joy which was set before Him as He endured the cross, despising the shame, and now that joy daily grows, for He rests in His love and rejoices over His redeemed with singing, as in due order they are brought to find their salvation in His blood."

Psalm 22

Verses 1-2...
My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Why are You so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest. 

David's honesty of emotions is a reassuring comfort to me. God's children face troubles that sometimes darken their perception of God's nearness, but David provides me with a model for my prayers in those gloomy circumstances. "They breathe truth that breathe their words in pain" (Shakespeare). I hope to be an example to the world around me of how the saints of God can remain faithful in times of stress or affliction. 

Verse 24...
For He has not despised or abhorred
the affliction of the afflicted,
and He has not hidden His face from him,
but has heard, when he cried to Him.

Festivities and fireworks

My dear one, 

Did you enjoy some Fourth of July festivities today? My church held its annual picnic, complete with barbecue, sweet tea, watermelon, blueberry pie, kettle corn, games for the kids (and kids at heart), and fireworks. One friend even pulled up some John Philip Sousa on his cell phone.

I absolutely love fireworks, and could only have enjoyed the evening more if you had been at my side. ...Or were you? My own little mental fireworks continue to go off...

I continue to ask the Lord for wisdom, patience, and the contentment that is found in Him alone. And I pray the same for you.

Always,
Your Evenstar

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: 

He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: 

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; 

Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: 

Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: 

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

When I see the Lord as my Shepherd, I see myself as a needy, dependent, rebellious, foolish sheep, and I see Christ as the One who protects me, leads me, feeds me, restrains me, carries me, chastens me. I trust Him, I know His voice, I follow Him.

The King of love my Shepherd is, 

Whose goodness faileth never; 

I nothing lack if I am His, 

And He is mine forever. 

Where streams of living water flow 

My ransomed soul He leadeth, 

And where the verdant pastures grow, 

With food celestial feedeth. 

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed, 

But yet in love He sought me, 

And on His shoulder gently laid, 

And home rejoicing brought me. 

In death's dark vale I fear no ill 

With Thee, dear Lord, beside me; 

Thy rod and staff my comfort still, 

Thy cross before to guide me. 

Thou spread'st a table in my sight; 

Thine unction grace bestoweth; 

And O the transport of delight 

With which my cup o'erfloweth!

And so through all the length of days 

Thy goodness faileth never: 

Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise 

Within Thy house forever! 

--Henry W. Baker

(And here is my favorite arrangement of "The King of Love My Shepherd Is"...)