February catch-up

My dear one, 

A month has passed ever so quickly! The much anticipated snow I mentioned in my last letter did make a glorious, albeit brief, appearance. It is likely the only snow I will see this winter, so I savored every moment. As I walked down a quiet road in my neighborhood, with the snow yet untouched, I enjoyed a special time of morning prayer!

At the end of January, I and a University colleague gave a lecture recital at a out-of-state music convention -- another God-given opportunity! The event was held in Florida, so on Sunday morning before our return trip, we attending the morning worship service at Saint Andrew's Chapel. The music was most excellent and exquisite and it was very memorable to hear Dr. R.C. Sproul in person!

Also at the end of January, I finished my first Whole30 challenge and have been continuing to ride the momentum by beginning a second round! Very excited about improved health due to cutting out the foods that had been secretly sabotaging some of my energy...

Last week I received something special in the mail: my "Hike 100" challenge pin from Great Smoky Mountains National Park! It was so inspiring to complete the 100-mile challenge during the centennial celebration of the National Park Service. Here's to even more miles in 2017!

I continue to think about you with every breathtaking sunset I view. How lovely it would be to show you around this small city someday! Honestly, I haven't explored many of the restaurants and coffeeshops... but they are there in abundance, waiting for us.

Wishing you a beautiful weekend of God's continued blessings... wherever you are are, my dear one!

With much prayer and hope, 
Your Evenstar

Goodbye Christmas... Hello, snow

My dear one,

Rain has begun this afternoon, with snow close on its heels. I'm more excited than is warranted... Ever since my parents moved away from Western New York, I have been nostalgic at every snowflake that comes my way here in a more "southern" state.

I just finished storing away all my Christmas decorations. A bittersweet farewell to one season, and an expectant greeting to the next! January and February typically leave me feeling hollow and listless, but I've done much already to ward off those feelings this year. I have a lovely binder full of short-term and long-term projects and goals. And fear not, there is room for you in those plans. Truly, many of them are designed to prepare me for the bright future when at long last you will be in the picture.

My career goals are necessarily flexible; I don't want to become too tied down at this institution where I presently teach. And that means maintaining a vibrant performing schedule and building connections within my field: visiting colleges throughout the southeast to give master classes and solo recitals, publishing articles in certain relevant journals, performing/speaking at regional and national conferences and conventions, etc. Even if my heart is not always in it. All this so that if I ever move (or am terminated from my current position, perish the thought...), I will have a curriculum vitae worthy of consideration for another institution. Yet I don't yearn for fame in the normal sense of the word. If anything, I want to be known as a shining light for Christ. When I am gone, I want those who knew me to be able to say, "Yes, she was a wonderful musician and teacher, but even more importantly she was committed to Christ and living out the gospel before her neighbors. She was a dedicated teacher who loved her students and encouraged them to use their abilities for the Kingdom."

...So it follows that another one of my priorities is that of hospitality and friendship. I truly desire to be a better friend and encourager to those around me. Last night a friend came over and we chatted over a simple cup of tea. Slowly, my arsenal of tasty, nutritional, foolproof recipes is increasing. My latest adventure was making Whole30-compliant sausage patties with pork from a local farm. (Food tastes all the better when I know the quality of every ingredient!) I like to think that it's a recipe you'd ask for frequently... It's my goal to get more comfortable inviting folks over to my apartment; I've been unduly nervous about sounding pathetic in doing so. But if I were in another's shoes, wouldn't I jump at the chance at an invitation to a home-cooked meal and old-fashioned fellowship?

...The rain is now of the freezing variety. The ice creates a roar as it hit the hardy leaves of the magnolia outside my window. I'll not be venturing out for the rest of the day, so I've changed into my fuzzy robe and lit my wood-wick candle. Winter weather is made for cozy times like this (or is it the other way around?). Please tell me I'm not pathetic for making the best of my solitude, embracing it, enjoying edifying books and seasons of prayer...

Praying for you, my dear one...
Your Evenstar

Nothing but the empty air

And sometimes, at nighttime 

I dream that you are there-- 

But wake holding nothing but the empty air...

My dear one, 

Last night I dreamed of a conversation with you, though you did not have a face. I'm sorry for this constant doubt that you exist somewhere out there. For idolizing the idea of you while not having an inkling of what you are actually like. For not being patient for God's timing. For the mistakes I will make when I meet you. For the ways I will let you down or disappoint you. I'm sorry for your frustration in finding the right girl. For the times you've been hurt in the past. For the ways you will be misunderstood or falsely accused in the future. 

How can I wait? The nights alone are kind; 

They reach forth to a future day, and bring 

Sweet dreams of you to people all my mind; 

And time speeds by on light and airy wing. 

I feast upon your face, I no more sing, 

How can I wait? 

How can I wait? The morning breaks the spell 

A pitying night has flung upon my soul. 

You are not near me, and I know full well 

My heart has need of patience and control; 

Before we meet, hours, days, and weeks must roll, 

How can I wait? 

(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

...

On a happier note, some friends from church announced their upcoming adoption of a little boy from China. They have the sweetest story-- their fourth baby, whom I'll call "Michael," was born with a heart condition (which has been treated over a series of surgeries through the past few years), and they became burdened for other heart babies who have no one to invest in the necessary medical treatment. When Michael was two, they adopted a three-year-old girl from China ("Gabriela") and she has already had several surgeries and much improvement. Michael and Gabriela are now both in my Sunday School class. And very soon "Daniel," only 17 days younger than Michael, will be joining the family! I find myself wondering if you would ever consider the ministry of adoption for our family. It is certainly a subject I'd love to at least discuss with you... And when I say that, I'm not being pushy. Contrary to what many women hold, "discussion" does not mean winning a man over to the woman's view of things. But I digress! Ever since reading Russell Moore's book Adopted for Life I have been captivated by the beauty of adoption and its picture of the gospel.

I have three flute students lined up for afternoon lessons. Though I still have a week left of my Christmas break, they're back into their school schedules, so I'm perfectly willing to teach them anyway. The income that my home teaching brings in is a blessing!

Wherever this first Monday of the new year finds you, I wish you God's best and am praying for you!

Loving you, 
Your Evenstar

New Year's Eve

My dear one, 

You know I must be missing you if I write two letters in a single day... The hours and minutes left in this year 2016 are few, but my thoughts of you are many. Unlike most, I'm spending the evening quietly, at home, listening to the peaceful music of Ludovico Einaudi. I just finished preparing the Sunday School lesson I must teach tomorrow, after a brisk walk in the chilly evening, and now water for tea is heating on the stove. I have some pumpkin cranberry crackers and goat cheese as an accompanying evening snack... something of a "last celebration" before I begin a Whole30 month tomorrow (no grains, legumes, dairy, or sugar - fun!). January seems to be a good time for a dietary reboot! 

Tallying up the books I read in 2016, Goodreads reports that I completed 34 books, which was 4 more than my goal of 30. Only 4 of the 34 were categorized as fiction. Perhaps I'll set my goal for 2017 as 36 books (3 books per month).

Here's a list of the ones I rated as 5 stars (out of 5) in 2016:

1. Sound in Motion: A Performer's Guide to Greater Musical Expression (David McGill)
2. The Next to Last Word: Service, Hope, and Revival in the Postexilic Prophets (Michael P. V. Barrett)
3. Intelligent Music Teaching: Essays on the Core Principles of Effective Instruction (Robert A. Duke)
4. A Shelter in the Time of Storm: Meditations on God and Trouble (Paul David Tripp)
5. The Magnolia Story (Chip and Joanna Gaines)

I wish I could find "book club friends" who are not only interested in insipid fiction. I prefer books that make me think -- either inspiring me or challenging my thinking. I read with pencil in hand, underlining as I go. A friend who borrowed a book from me a few weeks ago no doubt is shaking his head at all my underlined passages. (Or maybe he finds them helpful... One can hope...) When I am in someone's home, my eye always wanders to the bookshelves. I find it intriguing to observe someone's choice in books, which is usually quite revealing of personality, values, and interests. I wonder how many books you and I have in common?

...

Standing at the portal

Of the opening year,

Words of comfort meet us,

Hushing every fear;

Spoken thru the silence

By our Savior’s voice,

Tender, strong and faithful,

Making us rejoice.

Refrain:

Onward, then, and fear not,

Children of the day;

For His Word shall never,

Never pass away.

“I, the Lord, am with thee,

Be thou not afraid;

I will help and strengthen

Be thou not dismayed.

Yea, I will uphold thee

With My own right hand;

Thou art called and chosen

In My sight to stand.”

For the year before us,

O what rich supplies!

For the poor and needy

Living streams shall rise;

For the sad and sinful

Shall His grace abound;

For the faint and feeble

Perfect strength be found.

He will never fail us,

He will not forsake;

For His eternal covenant

He will never break.

Resting on the promise,

What have we to fear?

God is all sufficient

For the coming year.

(Frances Ridley Havergal)

I'm looking forward to being back at my church tomorrow... to singing the timeless hymns and psalms with fellow-saints young and old, to hearing my pastor bring the Word, to dedicating the new year unto the Lord!

A verse for you for 2017: 

"It is the Lord who goes before you. 

He will be with you; 

He will not leave you or forsake you. 

Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deut. 31:8)

Walk with Him, my sweetheart. Trust Him. That is the most important thing you can do. (And it can only bring you closer towards finding me!)

Love always, 

Your Evenstar

Looking forward...

My dear one,

I'm back home from my travels, just in time to see in the new year. I restocked my refrigerator and pantry and washed my car this morning. My Christmas tree lights are lit, and I plan to leave the tree up until Friday. The "12 days of Christmas" give me some extra time to savor the beauty of this season. I actually have some other white lights strung up in my apartment that remain year-round and add to the cozyiness factor... like the Danish concept of hygge. 

My time with family went fairly smoothly. It's heartbreaking to see how much my grandfather's health and strength has deteriorated since I last visited. He couldn't be getting any better care though -- my grandmother and parents are lovingly meeting all his needs at home. My grandparents have been married for 63 years and are truly an example of a loving, godly couple. I was thrilled that that one of my brothers was there for a part of the time; we had fun shooting and cleaning our guns together. When we video-chatted with my other brother and his wife, they shared the news that they're expecting their first little one in August. The Lord blessed them with a new house, and now this... To be honest, I just want to cry when I see God's goodness in the lives of my family and friends and yet feel such a lack in that area of my own life. 

True confession: Throughout November and December I surreptitiously experimented with an online dating website... but quickly learned that it's not for me. And in some ways that is a very discouraging realization, for I must acknowledge that it will take a true miracle for you to find me. It would be all too easy for me to lower my standards out of desperation if I continued to participate on a dating site, and that would be a lack of faith in God's sovereignty... like Abraham doubting God's promise of a son and agreeing to Sarah's suggestion of Hagar. I am called to "lean not on my own understanding, but to acknowledge the Lord in all my ways" -- which I have to pray for daily strength to do! 

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, 

But trust Him for His grace; 

Behind a frowning providence 

He hides a smiling face.

But on the whole it's a good thing for me to have refined my mental list of "non-negotiables." Perhaps it's not only a mental list, for here it is for anyone to see:

• Demonstrates a clear articulation of the gospel and has a strong personal testimony.
• Possesses spiritual maturity and discernment.
• Affirms the doctrines of grace.
• Serves at and attends faithfully a conservative, Christ-proclaiming local church.
• Challenges me to a deeper relationship with the Lord.
• Chooses friends wisely.
• Does not play around with worldly pursuits (e.g.,, alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, public dancing, movie theaters, rock music).
• Is committed to moral purity (both his and mine) and holds the marriage covenant as sacred.
• Possesses good communication skills (both written and spoken).
• Evidences responsibility and a good work ethic.
• Has a vision for his life and is actively pursuing his goals for God's glory.

Is that so unreasonable?? I separate those "non-negotiables" from my preferred "wants," knowing that you, my dear one, will meet the above criteria. But here are the "wants" that I still pray about, not knowing what you might be like beyond those qualities...

• Is quiet and serious most of the time (not flippantly giddy and silly).
• Is self-sufficient (not clingy/needy).
• Possesses above-average musical talents (pleasing voice, piano skills).
• Is physically fit/healthy.
• Enjoys hiking and other outdoor activities.
• Dresses himself smartly yet unostentatiously.

...

I feel ready -- excited even -- for the new year. This past year I received a promotion to associate professor, had some wonderful performance opportunities, and learned more about myself. It has always been my prayer that music would not consume my entire life to the point where I stop enjoying music "because it's what I have to do for a living." At times that has been a challenge: being in academia circles, I often find myself reluctantly agreeing to more and more responsibilities "because I need them for my professional CV and annual review." But by and large, I've been able to keep some sort of balance, carving out time for other ministry opportunities (teaching a 4/5-year-old Sunday School class, volunteering at a juvenile detention group home, cooking meals for college students...). And when I'm able to slip away on a Saturday to hit a hiking trail, I always return recharged and reinvigorated for the next busy week of practicing, teaching, and pouring into the lives of "my kids." I hiked over 100 miles this year!

What will this next year hold? Will I find you? I pray for you and wish God's best for you wherever you are...
All my love, 
Your Evenstar

...

O Lord of the oceans,

My little bark sails on a restless sea,

Grant that Jesus may sit at the helm and steer me safely.

Suffer no adverse currents to divert my heavenward course;

Let not my faith be wrecked amid storms and shoals;

Bring me to harbor with flying pennants,

hull unbreached, cargo unspoiled.

I ask great things,

expect great things,

shall receive great things.

I venture on thee wholly, fully,

my wind, sunshine, anchor, defense.

The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless,

but my helm is held steady,

thy Word secures safe passage,

thy grace wafts me onward,

my haven is guaranteed.

This day will bring me nearer home.

Grant me holy consistency in every transaction,

my peace flowing as a running tide,

my righteousness as every chasing wave.

Help me to live circumspectly,

with skill to convert every care to prayer.

Halo my path with gentleness and love,

smooth every asperity of temper;

let me not forget how easy it is to occasion grief;

may I strive to bind up every wound,

and pour oil on all troubled waters.

May the world this day be happier and better because I live.

Let my mast before me be the Saviour’s cross,

and every oncoming wave the fountain of his side.

Help me, protect me in the moving sea

until I reach the shore of unceasing praise.

Amen.

(From The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)

Christmas preparations and prayers

My dear one, 

I'm preparing for a trip to see family for Christmas. I am looking forward to Thursday's ten-hour drive, and my podcast/sermon/audiobook playlists are all queued up. Yet part of me would rather stay in my own little apartment for the holiday. After all, this is home now. My parents live at (and work for) a retirement community that leaves me feeling somewhat depressed. The town where I grew up and the house where I have so many childhood memories are no longer a part of my Christmastime. I love my parents and grandparents dearly, but there are inevitable conflicts that arise over unexpected misunderstandings. I feel like there's no way for them to really understand who I have become. How can I explain my insecurities, frustrations, failures, and unspoken longings? How do I begin to tell them about my goals, challenges, and dreams? And if even my own family doesn't know the real me, how can I ever expect the Lord to give me a soulmate who can read my heart, understand my vision, and sing the same melody along with me? I desperately want this visit to be different. Oh that it could be a proving ground of my abilities to maintain trusting, loving relationships! Occasionally I have daydreamed about what it would be like to introduce you, my dear one, to my family. Certainly there would be some initial awkwardness, but on the whole I would be so eager and excited for them to see and know the treasure God had brought me. I'm praying fervently that you would know the joys of the Christmas season, wherever you are!
...Your Evenstar

Sweeter sounds than music knows 

Charm me in Immanuel's name; 

All her hopes my spirit owes 

To His birth, and cross, and shame.

When He came, the angels sung, 

"Glory be to God on high;" 

Lord, unloose my stamm'ring tongue, 

Who should louder sing than I?

Did the Lord a man become, 

That He might the law fulfil, 

Bleed and suffer in my room, 

And canst thou, my tongue, be still?

No, I must my praises bring, 

Though they worthless are and weak; 

For should I refuse to sing, 

Sure the very stones would speak.

O my Saviour, Shield, and Sun, 

Shepherd, Brother, Husband, Friend, 

Ev'ry precious name in one, 

I will love Thee without end.

– John Newton

Marriage and melancholy

Today a dear friend from my college days married her special someone, and I watched the livestreaming video from afar... in tears. I almost turned it off several times just because it hurts so much to see the blessings and joys that the Lord grants to others while denying me. Like Job, I must learn not to question Why? but rather, What can I learn about my God?

This evening as I was preparing my Sunday School lesson, I came to the precious words at the end of 1 Samuel 1:19 - "...and the Lord remembered her." Hannah had poured out her heart's grief to the Lord. Like Hannah, I must cast my cares and burdens at His feet... including this grief of loneliness in my singleness.

I may never understand what the Lord is doing with me. I can only cling to the truth that He hasn't forgotten me, no matter how loud Satan shouts that lie in my ear.

December thoughts

My dear one,

How can we be halfway through December already? October, November, and December are my three favorite months, and as I drove to prayer meeting with the bright orange supermoon on the horizon and tears trickling down my cheeks, I grieved the fact that another year is almost past without me knowing your smile, your voice, your companionship.

I sit in the warm glow of the delicate white lights on my Christmas tree, and sip a peppermint mocha in celebration of turning in the semester's grades. If you were here I'd have you pick a Christmas playlist to serenade us, but as it is I'm once again defaulting to my favorite John Rutter carol settings.

This past Sunday evening I played for the Lessons and Carols Service at a beautiful church downtown where the people are truly my brothers and sisters in Christ. If my own church did not exists, that is where I would be worshipping week by week. The Lessons and Carols program was executed at a superior level to what my church will offer this coming Sunday evening, but of course that is not my sole criterion for liking or disliking, or choosing or rejecting, a church. Unlike the treacherous behavior of many in even my own church lately, I refuse to break my covenant of membership and loyalty for petty reasons.

After playing in that Lessons and Carols Service, I found myself strolling around the downtown area, admiring the festive window displays, scanning the variety of menus posted in the restaurant doors, gazing wistfully at the small ice skating rink set up for the season, and walking along our beloved bridge that spans a waterfall. Small delights... which I'm able to enjoy alone... but would treasure all the more with you beside me.

"O Little Town of Bethlehem" is playing right now on my Christmas playlist, which reminds me of God's covenant promises. How so? Well, I recently finished taking my Sunday School class through the story of Ruth, tying it into the promise of the Messiah that would be born in the very same town centuries later, in the genealogical line of that poor Moabite widow who was welcomed into the people of God. "The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee [Bethlehem] tonight... How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is giv'n! So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heav'n. No ear may hear His coming, but in this world of sin, where meek souls will receive Him still, the dear Christ enters in... O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel."

I pray that you will know the comforting presence of Emmanuel ("God with us") in what can be a very lonely time of year for those of us still waiting for a fellow-pilgrim to come alongside us as we travel this long journey. I don't know if you're ahead of me on the road, or waiting for me to stop so you can come up to join me, but I pray that the Lord will unite us soon.

Your Evenstar

November's end...

My dear one,

What perfect autumn weather I've been able to enjoy! Allow me to share some of the delightful views I captured (on my phone) through the past two months...

October bliss

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." 
– L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love—that makes life and nature harmonise. The birds are consulting about their migrations, the trees are putting on the hectic or the pallid hues of decay, and begin to strew the ground, that one’s very footsteps may not disturb the repose of earth and air, while they give us a scent that is a perfect anodyne to the restless spirit. Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.

– George Eliot, Letter to Miss Lewis, 1st Oct. 1841

Quick September update

My dear one,

Just yesterday I completed a 13.5-miler (my longest hike to date) ... and I'm nursing a few scratches from the overgrown thorny areas. I am certainly looking forward to the autumn colors and cooler temperatures that will arrive soon! My fall teaching schedule is into a good routine now, and I feel like I should hold my breath lest an impending catastrophe upset this equilibrium. I'm thrilled to be finished with my responsibilities as president of the statewide organization that occupied a large portion of my energies these past two years. The Lord has brought some wonderful new students to my university studio, and He has given me a number of wonderful musical opportunities as well. I appeared on a faculty chamber recital earlier this week, played an offertory solo at my home church this evening and for the prelude and choir anthem at another local church this morning. I'll be playing a pops concert with my local orchestra this coming weekend, giving a faculty recital at my university in two weeks, and appearing as a guest artist for a solo recital and masterclass at an out-of-state university early in October. I have also recently taken on the responsibility of a Sunday School class of 4- and 5-year-olds at my church, after having assisted in the class for the past three years. I'm praying for wisdom as I teach them about the Old Testament judges and kings and point these young minds to Christ our righteous Judge and victorious King!

Tonight I'm enjoying some hot spiced cider and meditating on Psalm 33:18 as I pray over the coming week. Here's a translation/amplification I pieced together and re-worked from several versions of this beautiful verse:
The eyes of the Lord are upon those 
     who worship Him with awe-inspired reverence and obedience, 
upon those who hope confidently 
     in His tender compassion, unfailing mercy, and loyal love.
I'm praying that you know this truth in a special way this week!

Your Evenstar

Wrestlings

My dear one,

Ten years ago, I was entering my first year of teaching at the university level. In those ten years, I taught four years at the university, moved away for three years to earn a doctorate at a different university, and returned to teach three more years.

Ten years ago, I felt sure that I would meet you, that you would "notice me," that I would be married before too long. I regret many hours wasted in dreams of those who will never be you.

The other day, a friend asked me about you (or rather, about the one I still secretly pray could be you). I attempted to avoid blushing as I nonchalantly answered my friend's questions about "that young man." Should I be praying for "that young man" (i.e., "you") as my friend suggested? I have been trying to wean myself away from these heart hopes that still cling despite the head warnings. I feel so silly, so stupid, so shallow for continuing to want a husband and family when that is obviously not the direction my life has taken. How can I keep praying and hoping when the Lord is nothing but silent on the matter? I don't want to fight His will if His answer is a clear "NO"... but how would I know if He actually wants me to keep praying about this?

These wrestlings are not unique to me and my situation, I am sure. But they are real, and they keep me awake at night.

Here's hoping you meet me in your dreams tonight...
Your Evenstar

Even when He is silent...

My heart beats faster whenever I see a glorious sky like the one above, which I enjoyed Saturday night. Just as a beautiful sky is never adequately captured digitally, God's ways are never completely known by men, even by His chosen children. I dig in His Word during these long summer days, trying to find relief from His seeming silence. And I am met with the words Be Still. Sometime translated, "Cease striving." I can do nothing but wait patiently on the Lord, whose Word tells me:

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow;
They toil not, neither do they spin.
Behold the fowls of the air:
For they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns.
The eyes of all wait upon Me,
And I give them their food in due season.
I open My hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden,
And I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you,
And learn of Me;
For I am meek and lowly in heart:
And ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.

Remember Mary:
She sat quietly at the feet of Christ,
She listened attentively to His words.
Remember Martha:
She was distracted with much serving,
She was worried and troubled about many things.
One thing is needful:
Mary chose that good part,
And it will not be taken away from her.

As I have reminded you countless times:
"In returning and rest shall ye be saved;
In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength."
Return to Me, rest from your cares, quiet your mind.
Rest in My promises with confidence in My faithfulness.

Blessed are the meek,
The ones who are willing to be controlled by invisible realities--
The realities of Who I am and what I have promised.

I will keep you in perfect peace,
If you keep your mind stayed upon Me.
Trust Me.
Remember Who I AM.

.....

As I listen to this beautiful choral setting of "Even When He is Silent," I think on its poignant words...
I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining.
I believe in love, even when I feel it not.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.

.....

And I pray that my Heavenly Father will store up some beautiful sunrises and sunsets for me to enjoy with you, my dear one...

Shootings and protests, justice and righteousness

My dear one, 

I don't consider myself to be an activist of any sort, and I typically shy away from making political statements on social media. But I've been mulling over in my mind what I might be able to share regarding these horrendous shootings and protests against those who seek to protect us. In true INTJ fashion, I'm still wrestling with words, attempting to corral the swirling thoughts in my head and make some sense of them. Perhaps one day I'll have something witty to say. But for now, some of my thoughts for you to peek in on (for I see safety in confiding even confused ramblings to you)...

I'm proud to be an American, and I never cease to thrill at the sight of our flag. I'm thankful for those serving in our military. I respect the police and am grateful for their vigilance. I also exercise my right to carry self-defense weapons for protection of myself and my fellow-citizens. But I am first and foremost a citizen of a heavenly kingdom, and as such, I recognize that Christ is the only answer to the problems plaguing our world. Yes, we may grieve the ongoing issues of terrorism, abortion, racial prejudice, moral corruption, etc., but we must also admit that these are not new developments in our world. From the time of the Fall in the Garden of Eden, Adam's race (and no, there are not multiple races) has been hopelessly bound in sin -- sins of pride, sins of rebellion against God and the institutions He ordained. 

As the Westminster Confession of Faith so succinctly summarizes Christ's work for His people, "It pleased God, in His eternal purpose, to choose and ordain the Lord Jesus, His only begotten Son, to be the Mediator between God and man, the Prophet, Priest, and King, the Head and Savior of His Church, the Heir of all things, and Judge of the world: unto whom He did from all eternity give a people, to be His seed, and to be by Him in time redeemed, called, justified, sanctified, and glorified." Christ is the Victor, and in Him I place my trust and rejoice in my union to Him. Adam is no longer my representative; the Second Adam has kept God's Law perfectly and advocates for me before the throne of God. I am now dressed in Christ's robes of righteousness. Injustice against and suffering by God's people will one day be abolished. Sin will be judged, and righteousness will be established. 

...So what can I do in these "last days"? I must love God and love my neighbor. In loving God I must reflect His holiness in my attitudes and actions. In loving my neighbor I must exercise selflessness, pursue his good, and share the gospel of Christ.

Let love be genuine. 
Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 
Love one another with brotherly affection. 
Outdo one another in showing honor. 
Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. 
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 
Live in harmony with one another. 
Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. 
Never be wise in your own sight. 
Repay no one evil for evil, 
but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, 
but leave it to the wrath of God, 
for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 
To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; 
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; 
for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
(Romans 12:9-21)

Gentle rhythms of summer

My dear one, 

Recent circumstances and conversations give me hope that although I have yet to meet you, good single men – you among them – are still out there somewhere. I still maintain my mental list of what kind of man you should be, but at the same time I have a growing feeling that you will be nothing like what I could envision. So how do I dare write to such an unknown gentleman? Am I better off ceasing to write in this space, choosing instead to focus all my energies on self-improvement and godly pursuits? Or dare I share more of my heart? 

The gentle rhythms of the summer season have done my heart good. My soul has been refreshed by time spent in the Word and in the books of godly men and women. My body has been invigorated through hiking adventures, strength training at the gym, and the nutrition of seasonal produce. 

I enjoyed a bit of time with my parents this past week. Because I live 600+ miles away from them, my visits are few. They live in a 600-sq-ft apartment, so it's definitely "cozy" when I'm staying with them! My grandparents, two doors down, are no longer in a position to offer me sleeping quarters, but Mom and Dad's living room has a reclining chair which was sufficient for a good night's sleep. I was definitely lazy during my time there, watching Wimbledon tennis with Mom, sharing mint chocolate chip ice cream with Dad...


I brought home some lovely fine china pieces that belonged to my great-grandmother, and while carefully washing them this afternoon, my mind wandered to think of the conversations that those delicate English teacups might have heard over the years. My great-grandmother was a very smart and accomplished lady who served as a dietician during WWI. It was during the war that she met and fell in love with the man who would become her husband. Though she came from a wealthy English family, she married that young American soldier for love, likely falling short of her parents' expectations for her. But they both loved the Lord first and foremost. That lady's son is my grandfather, now 90 years old. My grandfather showed me a note he keeps in his Bible, something his mother had written to him when he went off to serve in the Army during WWII. "My son, I do not worry about you. You know the Lord and He will go with you. Always love Him and look to Him in all you do. Your father and I love you very much."

And it is that godly heritage that I think about as I sip a cup of tea from her china teacup. The Lord knows my heart's desire is to have a daughter who will reflect God's faithfulness to her own generation and beyond.

What would we talk about if you were sitting with me now? I could share my growing interest in visiting Iceland someday. Wouldn't that make a picturesque honeymoon destination? You'd be sure to get an earful about firearms – my trips to the shooting range, my research on concealable semiautomatic handguns, my thoughts on the government's liberal agenda. We might compare our upbringings and discuss how we would hope to raise our own children. Would you trust me to educate our children and help me to do so? I might tell you about my burden for orphans and my enthusiasm over adoptions's portrayal of glorious gospel realities.

Wherever you are, my dear one, stay strong. I pray for you every day and I look for you in every smile. 

Always, 
Your Evenstar