Psalm 118

Verse 8...
    It is better to take refuge in the LORD
        than to trust in man.

"It is better in all ways, for first of all it is wiser: God is infinitely more able to help, and more likely to help, than man, and therefore prudence suggests that we put our confidence in him above all others.

It is also morally better to do so, for it is the duty of the creature to trust in the Creator. God has a claim upon his creatures' faith, he deserves to be trusted; and to place our reliance upon another rather than upon himself, is a direct insult to his faithfulness.

It is better in the sense of safer, since we can never be sure of our ground if we rely upon mortal man, but we are always secure in the hands of our God.

It is better in its effect upon ourselves: to trust in man tends to make us mean, crouching, dependent; but confidence in God elevates, produces a sacred quiet of spirit, and sanctifies the soul.

It is, moreover, much better to trust in God, as far as the result is concerned; for in many cases the human object of our trust fails from want of ability, from want of generosity, from want of affection, or from want of memory; but the Lord, so far from falling, does for us exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or even think.

This verse is written out of the experience of many who have first of all found the broken reeds of the creature break under them, and have afterwards joyfully found the Lord to be a solid pillar sustaining all their weight.

(C. H. Spurgeon)

I have learned not to expect much from people around me or depend much upon what they have to offer. It has become a defense mechanism for me to be that "lone wolf" much of the time in order to avoid that certain disappointment. The Lord is the only one who is sure to be faithful and worth my trust.

But I am reminded of the words of C. S. Lewis... "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

I'm scared that my lonely existence might be doing me permanent damage. I truly feel like I need someone to be vulnerable with. My dear one, I don't want to lock up my heart. I want to give it to you.

I spent the afternoon helping a friend with part of her thesis. English is her second language, and she was seeking assistance for some of the sections she sensed were written a bit awkwardly. It felt so good to be free from the thoughts of my own thesis, and to feel like I was encouraging someone without needing anything in return.