Still that unsettled feeling...

My dear one, 

I sit here this evening not knowing exactly how to share what's on my heart... but hasn't that been the case a lot in recent letters? I've already hit the backspace key more than typical for a letter. Words are just not flowing right now, yet they're somewhere nearby, stopped up, perhaps just too timid to tiptoe forth onto the page.

Wednesday through Saturday has been one of the fullest, action-packed, draining weeks since moving back to this area. I was involved in several events on top of my normal responsibilities, all the while trying not to succumb to flu-like symptoms. (By God's grace and with the help of some natural remedies, I'm still hanging on!) After several days of adjudicating, chauffeuring, performing, dining out, and masquerading as the "professional" I'm labeled to be, I'm ready to crash.

Today was a wonderful day in God's house. I've officially joined the choir, after holding out for over nine months of pleas from my church's music director: "We really could use a strong alto..." I got to feeling rather guilty seeing the struggling alto section singing up there in the choir loft while I sat comfortably in my pew. I began to realize that this is an area where I'm being selfish with my time. Yes, Sunday afternoon rehearsals mean less time for napping, but I resolve to keep showing up with a smile, even if it is with a coffee mug in hand. 

And in the midst of all this, my head continues to do battle with my heart regarding a certain acquaintance. How do I subtly show interest without then feeling foolish when it becomes obvious that I was inventing the whole thing in my mind? Am I doubting myself too much? Doubting God too much? Doubting your arrival too much? Is the hope that someone could ever be interested in me a hope I need to bury?

Obviously I have many questions for the Lord as I come to His throne of grace in prayer these days!

And, my dear one, I have many questions for you.

Is there something about my life that might make me unworthy of your attentions? Are you willing to be the leader? Can you tolerate someone with more education than you? What if I am older than you? Is it a dangerous thing if our personalities are too much alike?

But alas, when I find you these questions will probably be a moot issue...

I am praying for you tonight, asking the Lord to grant you much wisdom, strength, joy, and peace as you follow His will for your life.

I send you my love.