Monday pause

My dear one,

I actually made it home for a late lunch today! As a bowl of red beans and rice removes my hunger, I find myself wishing there were an easy way to rid my soul of the nagging loneliness that haunts even my busiest days.

I greet my colleagues in the hallway, collaborate with my fellow musicians, pray with my students, email the board members of the organization I head up, and chat with the lady sitting next to me in chapel... but none of these people know the "real me." My colleagues see a junior faculty member, my fellow musicians see the capable but gracious performer, my students see a busy but organized teacher, the board members see a brand-new leader, and my seat-mate sees the weary but optimistic laborer... but none can know that I long for a hug, a meaningful conversation, a leisurely dinner somewhere quiet. I need someone with whom to pray, study the Bible, host friends, cook, create music, explore downtown, run the trails, raise a family, comfort the hurting. Two are better than one - even Genesis 2:18 tells us this. I don't know that I can ever get over this sense of profound LACK in my life. I just get busier and busier, but it feels like I'm treading water, trying to keep my head above water, waiting to feel some firm ground under my feet.

"But my eyes are toward You, O Lord, my Lord; in You I seek refuge..."

..And my work calls me back.