This letter marks the 300th post made to this website. Granted, not all have been actual "letters." You will observe that I have several ongoing series... such as my 2014 study through the Heidelberg Catechism and my Psalms Countdown (countdown to what?).
My fall schedule is at full-throttle, though the summer-like heat would give no hint that autumn is around the corner. I'm attempting some "down time" this Saturday afternoon as I curl up on the couch to work on some emails, while watching college football on my new iPad. It really is a juggling act, keeping up with the statewide organization I now lead, the music I'm supposed to be learning for an upcoming proposal submission and some November appearances, finding accompanists for my students, and myriad other teaching duties.
I had a troubling dream a few nights ago, and it has been nagging at me ever since. In the dream, I heard one of my former students commenting that I was not a good teacher, that I only cared about myself, that I didn't help her at all. Hearing such comments confused me, because I was trying my best and making so many sacrifices for my students. And then I had to try to defend myself to my own mother, who believed my student's side of the story. So I woke up crestfallen, remembering some advice to analyze not the particulars of a dream, but the emotions I felt in such a dream. It prompted some soul-searching, and I truly want to make sure that my students sense that I care for them, am available to help them, and am not self-absorbed! Am I giving enough positive feedback in their lessons? Am I approachable? Am I offering my time to them outside of lessons? These questions and others will be important to keep at the forefront of my mind this semester.
More and more, I am terrified of becoming an eccentric old maid teacher like many others in this apartment building. I am thinking seriously about the possibility of buying a house someday. I think I'd go crazy living here long-term. It gives me the creeps just to think of that happening. I need my knight-in-shining-armor to ride up and sweep me away from such a fate... Well, maybe no shining armor - perhaps a fedora and warm eyes instead.
But for now, here I am, hopefully still in God's will... working, waiting, praying, and desiring to grow in my walk with the Lord.
- Your Evenstar
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