Saturday musings

My dear one,

It's a sunny, low-humidity summer Saturday. Having no pressing errands or appointments today, I slept in and then had some late-morning coffee as I read God's Word and spent some good time in prayer. If you were here I would have made you a big breakfast. Somehow it's not the same to cook extensively for oneself... I recently acquired a little set of patio furniture during a deeply discounted clearance sale. After "some assembly required," the set is now sitting out on my east-facing balcony (if such a small space deserves that word). I've found that it's especially nice to sit out there before dawn, when the traffic noise is not yet unbearable. 

My apartment truly feels like home, now that I've been here for about a year. Someday I would love a house with a real front porch and a fireplace, but for now I have all I really need! I'm getting some good sleep in my new double bed, and I love the quilt that my grandmother found for it. Grandma also gave me some electric candles for the front windows, and at nighttime they shine bright and welcoming to the traffic below on one of the town's main thoroughfares. Sometimes when I'm sitting here in my apartment alone, I think back to the question my 3-year-old self asked to my mother, "When can I have my own life?" At that time I wanted independence, freedom to make my own decisions. I don't think I had any idea of the loneliness "my own life" brings. Would I have cherished my time with my family more if I had known that I would likely never have one of my own?

Nothing gives a bird's-eye view of God's Word like an intensely fast-paced reading plan. When I was reading the book of Job during my current 90-day plan, it struck me how often we Christians get stuck in the same mindset as Job's friends. We utter the same self-righteous platitudes, and our hearts make the same judgments. O for the perspective of the end of the book, the perspective that Job attained after God spoke, leaving Job speechless...

Viewing God as unkind, austere, aloof to the cares of my heart, is a sin. John Owen puts it so well: "Satan claps his hands (if I may so say) when he can take up the soul with such thoughts of God... Is not this soul-deceit from Satan? Was it not his design from the beginning to inject such thoughts of God? ... It is exceeding grievous to the Spirit of God to be so slandered in the hearts of those whom He dearly loves... Assure yourself then, there is nothing more acceptable unto the Father than for us to keep up our hearts unto Him as the eternal fountain of all that rich grave which flows out to sinners in the blood of Jesus."

May the Lord guard you and guide you, my dear one. My heart reaches out to you today, hoping you are finding joy, peace, and strength in the Lord - for this is what I pray for myself and for you!

--Your Evenstar