Intimidatingly independent?

My dear one, 

On more than one occasion, I've worried that you won't give me a second thought because I'm "too independent." That you won't give me the chance to share with you my heart regarding the role of a Christian wife. That you won't want someone who is highly educated, with a terminal degree and a career in academia, etc... 

Perhaps the reason I worry about all this is that most of the men I know are—as Shakespeare termed it—"lily-livered." If you are the kind of man I would hope you to be, you actually want a strong, capable, intelligent woman by your side for a companion through life's journey. Not some giggling, ditzy trophy-wife to stroke your ego. 

Strong doesn't have to mean stubborn; on the contrary, I believe it takes a greater strength to graciously submit to one's husband than it does to be an uncompromising shrew. Independent doesn't have to mean self-ruling or sovereign; rather, it can refer to a responsible individual who has learned to make hard decisions and "do hard things" rather than push them off on someone else. 

You will not complete me, and I cannot complete you. You and I are already both complete in Christ. But in God's time, by His will, and for His glory, He can unite our hearts and lives to accomplish together much more than we can on our own. 

Until then, I'll continue to be that "intimidatingly independent single girl," submitted to Christ and praying for you...

If you were here

My dear one, 

I imagine that if you were here, you'd accompany me on an evening run around the lake. Then you would sip a cup of tea and enjoy a bit of reading as I washed the supper dishes. In the background, this album would be serenading our evening. After I finished cleaning up the kitchen, perhaps you'd read a chapter of the Bible to me and we would pray together. 

You know what? All of that has still happened, just without you. I did go for a run, clean up the kitchen, drink a cup of tea, listen to music, read my Bible, and close the day in prayer. 

And perhaps if you had been here, none of that would have happened. 

But I'd still choose you over all the little special blessings of my current singleness. 

Still hoping, 

Your Evenstar

Hiking highs

My dear one,

On Friday I took my first truly solo hiking adventure, since my usual hiking buddy had a rehearsal. It was a wonderful time of meditation and prayer in God's beautiful creation! The fog was heavy as I started out on the first trail. Spring is just arriving at that altitude.

A beautiful little gazebo emerged from the fog. I must admit my first thought was: "This would be the perfect place for a marriage proposal."

I spied several different wildflowers, including dog-violet and trillium...

The second trail I began was quite rugged. Nervous about doing it on my own, I soon turned back.

The final trail took me through a balsam forest. The aroma of the balsams was intoxicating and the view at the summit exhilarating!

How much more exhilerating it would be to hike with you...!

Summer excitement

My dear one, 

As they say, the three best things about being a teacher are June, July, and August. 
(And for a college professor, that can be adjusted to May, June, and July.) 

I'm halfway through my first of 14 weeks of summer, and am already confident of it being a much more productive break than last summer. I've made a list of summer priorities, including goals for my spiritual life, music performance and professional development, health and fitness, finances, summer teaching, ministry opportunities, and traveling... and I'm officially excited! 

The only thing missing from that list is meeting you. Honestly, this summer would be a really good time if you want to show up... Look for me out on the hiking trails, in the concert halls, and exploring fun little restaurants downtown. 

All my love, 
Your Evenstar

Good hope through grace

My dear one, 

The exams are finished, the grades in, the regalia soon to be donned this afternoon. This time of year is a bittersweet mix of goodbyes, nostalgia, and relief. And I can't recall a year in which Commencement Day had more perfectly cool weather (given the fact that the southern sun and doctoral regalia typically conspire to overheat this exhausted professor).

I had a rather unsettling dream last night, in which I found renewed reason to hope. Why can't my subconscious let go of what my resolved heart has determined to forget? To be honest, the constant barrage of engagement announcements and wedding invitations isn't helping my frame of mind. I cried driving home last night as the weight of loneliness felt crushingly intense. 

What new experiences does this summer bring for you? Is your work wearisome? Are you praying for wisdom concerning hard decisions? Do you find yourself refreshed in the Lord? The words of 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 come to mind: 

Now our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, 

and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, 

and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, 

comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work.

I'm praying this for you, my dear one.

Your Evenstar

Now

My dear one, 

If ever I felt keenly your absence, 
wanted to share with you my hope and dreams, 
wondered what struggles you are facing, 
it is now. 

If ever I hoped that the traits you are known for 
are loyalty, 
humility, and courage, 
it is now.

If ever I wanted someone to cook for, 
snuggle with, 
and spoil in general, 
it is now.

If ever I sensed that you're praying for me, 
thinking about me, 
hoping to meet me, 
it is now.