For my good

My dear one, 

I write honestly tonight, no holding back as I am too prone to do...

Over the past year, so imperceptibly gradually that I didn't notice it happening, my heart became captured by the idea of the potential of a relationship with someone. Yeah, not a lot to really stake hope upon there, right? But more and more, I began truly believing that this was something that the Lord would "work out" despite the seeming impossibility of the whole scenario. The hope building in my heart made it easier to go to work, easier to live.

The thing is, now that I realize this hope is gone, I regret the time and energy I poured into mere thoughts and dreams. I'm sure I missed many opportunities in the day-to-day happenings of the past year, opportunities to minister to my students, chances to be an encouragement, lend a hand, be a listening ear. And I grieve this just as much as I grieve the loss of that glimmer of hope.

I am choosing to replace the "if only" with "reasons for joy NOW." I keep thinking of the message of John 14 I heard preached recently - "It is for your good that I depart from you." And foolish though it might sound, I took those words for the specific situation I was/am mourning ... and am choosing to believe that God's removal of this certain one from my daily experience is for my good. In the past three weeks since the school year ended, my time in God's Word has been sweeter than I ever remember. My tearful prayers have drawn me closer into fellowship with the Lord. And the devotional reading that remains a priority this summer has already revived my fainting heart again and again through countless pages of wisdom from years gone by.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.

(Samuel Rodigast, trans. Catherine Winkworth)

 

And as I close this letter, I receive the heartbreaking news that a precious little child has been called home to heaven. O Lord, shed Your peace on all those sorrowing tonight!

 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. 

Not as the world gives do I give to you. 

Let not your hearts be troubled, 

Neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

Psalm 52

Verse 9...
    I will thank You forever,
        because You have done it.
    I will wait for Your name, for it is good,
        in the presence of the godly.

"You have done it" - You have breathed life into me. You have given me Your Word as a guide, Your Spirit as a comforter. You have given me victory over sin and death, and strength for the battle against indwelling sin.

Your name is good. Your name is matchless, beautiful, terrifying. I whisper, "Lord," as I worship and bow down at Your throne. I whisper, "Jesus," as I thank you for that free gift of salvation. I whisper, "Master," as I confess my willful straying from Your commands and return in repentance and renewed obedience, leaving broken cisterns to find satisfaction in the fountain of living waters.

I will wait.

"To wait on God is to live a life of desire towards Him, delight in Him, dependence on Him, and devotedness to Him. It is to set God always before us (Ps. 16:8). It is to have our eyes ever towards the Lord (Ps. 25:25). It is to acknowledge God in all our ways (Prov. 3:6). It is to follow the Lord fully, as Caleb did (Num. 14:24)." -- Matthew Henry

Christ only

My dear one, 

What a hard week... A friend died of cancer, only 50 years old; a colleague had a heart attack; the baby daughter of another colleague is in a coma after a tragic accident. And the news sources continue to report on shootings, political unrest and warring, Christians dying for their faith... Certainly makes my problems seem infinitely small!

And yet the tears continue to fall... Do I sound pitiful when I confess my loneliness? Since moving back to this area last summer, I have indeed worked to build relationships with several godly friends (without annoyingly forcing myself upon them), but they have husbands/families to attend to... I could drown these feelings of loneliness in other shallow friendships centered on chit-chat and materialism, but I choose not to. 'Twould be both unhealthy and tiring.

One bright spot in my day occurred on my way out of the coffee shop. I greeted a dear Christian lady whom I often see there and to whom I have spoken several occasions. This time we had such a wonderful heart-to-heart! Mrs. C's husband died several years ago, yet she is such a gracious, soft-spoken lady who carries herself with such dignity and strength. Of course, there are many differences between her situation and mine, but there are also many similarities between her widowhood and my singleness. We spoke together of struggles, frustrations, lessons learned, and I walked away very much encouraged. 

I continued to think throughout the day about one topic of our conversation - that of our human tendency to imagine, analyze, and/or worry about what others think at any given moment. I of course must acknowledge this as the sin of pride, the sin of focusing wrongly on self. I should not be preoccupied with others' opinions, judgments, and assumptions of me; instead I must look only to the Saviour in gratitude for His love and mercy and then joyfully pursue a course of love and obedient service to Him. This reminds me of the Martin Luther quote I read yesterday: "The sin underneath all our sins is the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and that we must take matters into our own hands." And a quote from A.W. Pink: "The great mistake made by people is hoping to discover in themselves that which is to be found in Christ alone." And this gem from Amy Carmichael: "Sometimes our thoughts will not stay 'fixed'; we cannot explain why. Before we know it, we find we have drifted back to thoughts of ourselves, or of others, or of places or things--of anything, indeed, but of Him who is deepest down our greatest longing: 'Thou, O Lord God, art the thing that I long for' (Psalm 71:5)." The common thread? Christ! May these dark times drive me to Christ. May they drive you to Him as well. And may we soon find one another as we seek from Him true satisfaction.

Praying for you tonight,
Me

"Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it." (I Thessalonians 5:23-24)

Links that make me think: Part 8

(Click through to the link for the entire article from which a quote is taken.)

Thinking on Today's Manna (Wendy Alsup)

On any given bad day, God did something good somewhere. Probably, He did something good directly in your life. But like the children of Israel, we see the wilderness and our longing for the promised land, and we miss the manna He provides day by day. We focus on our longing for home, but we miss that our God just PARTED THE RED SEA. We don't want to wander in the desert, so we take for granted the FIRE BURNING IN THE SKY to direct us. Most of all, we miss in our modern lives the hundreds of ways hour by hour, day by day, our Father gives us manna, our daily bread, to sustain us.

No, You're Not Falling Behind In Life (Ann Swindell)

Ultimately, we are not “behind” in life if we are where Jesus has called us to be. Next to Jesus—with Him—is the exact place we are supposed to be. If His pace with us is slower than it is with our friends, it is not our responsibility to try to catch up to them. Our responsibility is to stay next to Christ. When we compare ourselves to others, it’s easy to worry that we are missing out on the life that we see them living. The apostle Peter seemed to be headed down this path. At the end of the book of John, Peter asks Jesus about what was going to happen in John’s life. Jesus’ response? “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:22).

What Do You Want to Accomplish? (Mike Burns)  

Don’t let the hours slip away without you giving your best shot at accomplishing your goals. Use your answers to these questions as a lens through which you make your decisions about how you structure your days:

• What is life all about?
• What is the most important thing you could do in your everyday life?
• What activities bring you the most joy or happiness?
• What makes you feel fulfilled?
• What is wrong with the world?
• What needs to happen so it can be fixed?
• If you could change one thing about how the world works, what would it be?
• If you had plenty of money, how would you spend your days?
• What is your dream job?
• If you could design the ideal life for yourself, what would it look like?
• Is your career something that’s important to you, personally?
• What is more important to you than your career?

And finally, a quote from Richard Sibbes that encouraged me recently: 

"It is the nature of faith to work when it sees nothing, and oftentimes best of all then, because God shows Himself more clearly in His power, wisdom, and goodness at such times; and so His glory shines most, and faith has nothing else to look upon then, whereupon it gathers all the forces of the soul together to fasten upon God."

Heidelberg Catechism Week 21

54. Q. What do you believe concerning "the holy catholic church"? A. I believe that the Son of God through His Spirit and Word, out of the entire human race, from the beginning of the world to its end, gathers, protects, and preserves for Himself a community chosen for eternal life and united in true faith. And of this community I am and always will be a living member.

55. Q. What do you understand by "the communion of saints"? A. First, that believers one and all, as members of this community, share in Christ and in all His treasures and gifts. Second, that each member should consider it a duty to use these gifts readily and cheerfully for the service and enrichment of the other members.

56. Q. What do you believe concerning "the forgiveness of sins"? A. I believe that God, because of Christ's atonement, will never hold against me any of my sins nor my sinful nature which I need to struggle against all my life. Rather, in His grace God grants me the righteousness of Christ to free me forever from judgment.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

Wow, these three questions grouped together for Week 21 certainly pack a punch! So many fundamental truths can be extracted.

DeYoung expands on the doctrine of the church (discussed in Questions 54-55):

Theologians often speak of the church in terms of catholicity, apostolicity, and unity. We believe in the catholic, or universal, church, a community not defined by culture or race but by one Lord and one baptism. We believe in the apostolic church, an institution built on the foundation of the doctrine of the apostles. And we believe in a united church, a group of diverse people and local expressions sharing, not simply a slogan or a religious experience but one true faith.

The catechism also touches on our election, justification, union with Christ, spiritual gifts, and preservation in the answers to these questions. 

What riches are mine through Christ!

Psalm 53

Verse 1...
The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
They are corrupt, doing abominable iniquity;
There is none who does good.

(cf Psalm 14)  

Though this verse is commonly used in reference to the unbeliever, the antagonist, the atheist, I've been pondering the opening words ("The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God'") as they pertain to the thoughts of my own heart.

When I kick and resist God's providential leading in my life, or insist that His ways are not good, I am a fool.

When I fear the future, as if God will not provide everything I need, I am a fool.

When I behave as if God's Spirit is not dwelling in me and conforming me to the image of His dear Son, I am a fool.

O Lord, You are the great "I AM" - may my life display Your glory and grace!

Of noble ladies and magnolia blossoms

My dear one, 

Books are my constant companions these days. Without the pressures of school-year obligations save for a bit of summer-school teaching, I have extra time at home for domestic activities such as cooking and cleaning, charitable endeavors through my church - and also for the intellectual pleasure of reading. The more I pore over books old and new, the more I come to love the writers of generations past. Like a palate becomes schooled to appreciate fine cuisine over fast food, I would much rather digest the works of Augustine, John Owen, Jonathan Edwards, J.R.R. Tolkien, and C. S. Lewis than nibble on the writings of Max Lucado, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and Amish vampire novels. That's not to say that there are no modern authors I enjoy, but rather that I tend to have a mindset of "What more can be said that hasn't been said already?" I love books that make me think, books whose phrases are finely crafted and carefully thought through, books that make me want to underline whole pages...

Speaking of Tolkien, I am finally digging into the Lord of the Rings books (currently half-way through The Two Towers) after many years of resolving to do so. I love the vividness of Tolkien's characters - especially his noble ladies and the descriptions of how the men held them in such high esteem (right now I'm thinking of Galadriel and Éowyn). Is that perhaps how you might think of me one day? I pray to be worthy of that esteem, of your esteem.

I confess that I did "watch" the DVD version of The Lord of the Rings back in 2005 or 2006, but was rather bored and actually fast-forwarded through some of it (*gasp*). But now, to actually read Tolkien's words... wow. There is such weight and beauty and poetry to the writing, and I am becoming fascinated with Tolkien's mythopoeic constructs. Little wonder that Tolkien scholars can spend entire careers immersed in this...

I sip my evening cup of tea which is accompanied by a crumpet topped with lemon curd. While listening to the soft strains of Ralph Vaughan Williams. Embracing my English roots, to be sure! But so as not to forget my current southern habitation, I share this glimpse of the magnolia beauties that have returned for the summer. I captured this view from my living room window, the sliding glass doors before which I sit and think of you often, my dear one.

Heidelberg Catechism Week 20

53. Q. What do you believe concerning "the Holy Spirit"? A. First, He, as well as the Father and the Son, is eternal God. Second, He has been given to me personally, so that, by true faith, He makes me share in Christ and all His blessings, comforts me, and remains with me forever.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

Phrase by phrase, the Heidelberg Catechism is making its way through the Apostles' Creed, and here develops some thoughts on the doctrine of the Holy Spirit. He is eternal God, the third Person of the Trinity. The catechism answer goes on to discuss the Holy Spirit's role, and DeYoung brings up an important point:

"The work of the Holy Spirit is first of all to glorify Christ (John 16:14). So whether we realize it or not, we are very intimately connected with the work of the Spirit, because wherever we are drawn to Christ as Savior, led to worship Christ as Lord, made to behold Christ as glorious, we are being operated on by the Holy Spirit."

The three benefits we experience through the work of the Holy Spirit, benefits that are ours only by faith, are the following:

1. We share in Christ and all His blessings. This includes favor with God and a promised inheritance.
2. We receive comfort. The Holy Spirit is my Helper and Counselor who brings a peace that passes understanding.
3. We have His presence with us forever. DeYoung: "In heaven, the Spirit will continue to teach us more about the inexhaustible riches of Christ.:

What encouragement for believers, what encouragement for me!

Weekend summary

Good evening, my dear one!

I hope your weekend has been a pleasant one thus far. Thursday's rains have brought an unseasonably cool and dry weekend here. Friday morning I enjoyed a pleasant time of grocery shopping, and treated myself to a small bouquet of vividly-hued flowers which now sit on my dining room table.

I was almost giddy that afternoon as I dragged my folding camp-chair and a satchel of books to the common patio at my apartment complex. It felt so good to be outside... no pressing obligations, the birds singing merrily in the tall trees above, the cool wind and warm sun providing the perfect balance of comfort, words of encouragement leaping from the printed page as my pen underlined vigorously.

As the Friday sun was replaced by the large, bright moon, I sat at the open sliding door of my living room for a time of prayer, and the evening coolness breezing through the screen made me wish the afghan wrapped around my shoulders could be replaced by your arms.

This morning's conditions were perfect for a run on campus. The music on my iPod caused my heart to sing along:

"Complete in Thee--each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee."
(Aaron Wolfe)

I had finished, just last night, a book by English theologian Richard Sibbes, entitled The Soul's Conflict and Victory Over Itself by Faith, based upon David's words, "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God" (Psalm 42:11). The text of the hymns on my iPod this morning echoed David's theme (and Sibbes' theme) and brought some needed cheer to my soul. 

I look forward to the day in the Lord's house tomorrow, especially the preaching of one of our former pastors who has since moved north. But I will again feel acutely the absence of a kindred spirit 800 miles away, one I once dared to dream could be you. 

Please hurry, my dear unknown one. I'm missing you terribly tonight.

The Celestial Surgeon

If I have faltered more or less,
In my great task of happiness;
If I have moved among my race
And shown no glorious morning face;
If beams from happy human eyes
Have moved me not; if morning skies,
Books, and my food, and summer rain
Knocked on my sullen heart in vain:--
Lord, thy most pointed pleasure take
And stab my spirit broad awake;
Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,
Choose thou, before that spirit die,
A piercing pain, a killing sin,
And to my dead heart run them in! 

(Robert Louis Stevenson)

L'esprit de l'escalier

My dear one, 

The only time I have the perfect thing to say is when it's too late to say it. I hear there's a term for this malady - l'esprit de l'escalier, French for "staircase wit" - that perfect retort thought of on one's way out... In my case, I tend to replay conversations in my mind after they have taken place, mulling over my words and kicking myself for my timidity and recklessness in turn. I can always come up with a much better dialogue during these "replays." This is one reason why I will always prefer the written word over the spoken, for as I write my thoughts materialize into words more slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, intentionally. Chit-chat drives me mad. I long to sit down and have a serious conversation with someone patient enough to hear my heart. This heart of mine becomes more tightly closed and brittle the longer I hold things in. My Heavenly Father is the only one I trust to care for my burdens and sorrows. Even in these letters I tend to be more guarded than is warranted.

But perhaps you are truly interested in the cares of my heart, the delights that make me smile, the questions I have that are yet to be met with answers... I need the discipline of writing to be a solace for me this summer, and you, sweetheart, are the (un)fortunate recipient... 

Promises of more to come...
Me

Psalm 54

Verse 4... 
    Behold, God is my helper;
        the Lord is the upholder of my life.

I have a hard time comprehending the patience and care my Lord has for me. I am so undeserving, so hard-headed, so weak in faith, so prone to wander. But as a tender shepherd, He calls me back to the place of safety. I take my place once again at His feet to sit, rest, listen, learn, grow, heal. The wounds are fresh, the loneliness acute, the sorrow great, but He is touched with the feeling of my infirmity. He invites me to cast my burdens before Him and leave them there.

Heidelberg Catechism Week 19

50. Q. Why the next words: "and is seated at the right hand of God"? A. Christ ascended to heaven, there to show that He is head of His church, and that the Father rules all things through Him.

51. Q. How does this glory of Christ our head benefit us? A. First, through His Holy Spirit He pours our His gifts from heaven upon us His members. Second, by His power He defends us and keeps us safe from all enemies.

52. Q. How does Christ's return "to judge the living and the dead" comfort you? A. In all my distress and persecution I turn my eyes to the heavens and confidently await as judge the very One who has already stood trial in my place before God and so has removed the whole curse from me. All His enemies and mine He will condemn to everlasting punishment: but me and all His chosen ones He will take along with Him into the joy and the glory of heaven.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

Jesus has finished the work of my salvation. Having shown Himself to be the victor over sin, death, and the Devil, He sits at the place of honor and exaltation at God's right hand. One day He will return as Judge and King, and I will dwell with Him in the glory of heaven.

The coming of the judge means the coming of the end - the end of suffering, the end of depression, the end of cancer, the end of loneliness, and the end of sinning. Christ's return also means a beginning - the beginning of ceaseless praise, the beginning of perfect communion with God, and the beginning of delight that increases forever. (DeYoung)

Changes & Goodbyes

My dear one,

Yesterday concluded the graduation exercises for the institution where I teach. It was a bittersweet day for me. More bitter than sweet, actually. I hate saying goodbye to those whom I have let into my heart. I hate change and the uncertainty it brings. But these will be my constant companions and I must learn to lean hard upon the Lord through those dark moments.

Today my summer begins. I wonder to myself what yours may hold. Perhaps you find yourself at a crossroads, with decisions to be made, travel to be undertaken, employment to be secured. My prayers go with you, and I wish I knew your particular burdens so that I might pray more specifically. Ever since someone accidentally dropped a dime in my car, every time I run across a dime, I put it in my "dime jar" and whisper a prayer for you. Someday, dear one, I will give you this jar.

On a happier note, I ran across a bookstore closeout sale, and walked out with quite the loot! My stack of summer reading material is coming together. I desire for this summer to be a much-needed time of refocusing on spiritual priorities. I so easily become distracted by creature comforts! 

And yet I can't shake the feeling that the Lord has shown me a glimpse of who you might be ... only to tear you away from me as if to tease, taunt, test me (us?). (O Father, give me contentment, peace, joy, hope, wisdom, strength, and give the same to my unknown dearest!)

Keep your chin up, sweetheart. God is working yet. 
All my love, 
Me

Heidelberg Catechism Week 18

46. Q. What do you mean by saying, "He ascended to heaven"? A. That Christ, while His disciples watched, was lifted up from the earth to heaven and will be there for our good until He comes again to judge the living and the dead.

47. Q. But isn't Christ with us until the end of the world as He promised us? A. Christ is truly human and truly God. In His human nature Christ is not now on earth; but in His divinity, majesty, grace, and Spirit He is not absent from us for a moment.

48. Q. If His humanity is not present wherever His divinity is, then aren't the two natures of Christ separated from each other? A. Certainly not. Since divinity is not limited and is present everywhere, it is evident that Christ's divinity is surely beyond the bounds of the humanity He has taken on, but at the same time His divinity is in and remains personally united to His humanity.

49. Q. How does Christ's ascension to heaven benefit us? A. First, He pleads our cause in heaven in the presence of His Father. Second, we have our own flesh in heaven - a guarantee that Christ our head will take us, His members, to Himself in heaven. Third, He sends His Spirit to us on earth as a further guarantee. By the Spirit's power we make the goal of our lives, not earthly things, but the things above where Christ is, sitting at God's right hand.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

The topic for these questions, Christ's ascension, rings in harmony with the sermon I heard in church this morning, to the extent that I wonder if the preacher has been reading the Heidelberg Catechism too! Our pastor was preaching from John 14:1-23 - an intense passage in which there is much tension evident: heaviness of heart on the part of the disciples because they did not understand what was going on, and heaviness on the part of Christ because He did know what was going on. The passage repeats the phrase, "I tell you these things, so that when they happen you might believe." Christ's death, and then His departure from earth after His resurrection, was sure to shake the faith of His disciples. And He knew this. He also knows my circumstances and heart's troubles, and this passage was a word in season amidst the sorrow that has been plaguing me.

Pastor's points were...
1) Trust in Jesus - His departure is for your good. "In a little while you will not see Me, but do not let your heart be troubled. If there is ever to be lasting communion with Me, I must depart from you."  Christ's way into the Father's presence is our way, because He is the Way, the Truth, the Life. He opens for us the way to God and lasting joy. A "dwelling place" signifies communion, presence. Christ prepares this for us by means of His death. One day we will see joy on Christ's face as He smiles at the joy on our faces - as He welcomes us home where we will enjoy eternal communion with Him.
2) Trust in Jesus - He did not abandon You when He departed. "It is better for you that I go." He gives His Spirit ("another Comforter") to us for the time between His comings. Hence the triune God makes us His dwelling place! God's promise has always been that He will dwell with His people.

So this afternoon as I meditated on these truths, I was struck by the fact that the disciples' faith must have been divinely strengthened after Christ's ascension - for the gospel then spread throughout the regions just as Christ commissioned them. If their faith had been weak, if they had wallowed in their sorrow over His departure, if they had given up hope, the light of the gospel would have been hidden from the generations to come.

DeYoung's comments on Questions 46-49 bring out the following truths:

• Christ's ascension benefits us in three ways:
• We have an advocate with the Father. Whenever Satan accuses us in our conscience or dares to lay a charge against us before the Father, Jesus Christ, God's own Son and our flawless advocate, stands ready to defend us and plead His own blood for our sakes.
• We now have our own flesh in heaven; our lives are hidden with Christ who dwells in glory above (Col. 3:3-4). Christ's flesh in heaven is a guarantee that ours will be there too someday.
• We get the Holy Spirit as a result. Jesus understood that as a man He was limited to one place at a time. But once He ascended to heaven, He could send another Helper (John 14:16) to give us power from on high and to be with us forever.

•  Christ's ascension means we are in heaven, right now. Through union with Christ, we truly are not citizens of this world. Colossians tells us to set our minds on things that are above, because our lives are hidden with Christ who dwells there.

DeYoung's reference to Colossians 3 stopped me in my tracks because that is the very chapter someone brought to my attention three weeks ago - an occasion and a chapter that has lodged itself in my mind as an almost daily reminder to "seek those things which are above." That very person who read Colossians 3 to me is one whose forthcoming departure saddens me more deeply than I could have anticipated. But this too the Lord knows...

And thus several strands weave themselves together in the narrative that is my life. I am so grateful for the providential "wafers of manna" that meet my daily need. Thank You, Father, for the ascended Christ and all the good that comes to me because of Him!

Psalm 55

Verse 22... 

    Cast your burden on the LORD,
        and He will sustain you;
    He will never permit
        the righteous to be moved.  

(Beautiful setting from Felix Mendelssohn's oratorio Elijah here.)

Octavius Winslow:

It is by an act of simple, prayerful faith that we transfer our cares and anxieties, our sorrows and needs, to the Lord. Jesus invites you come and lean upon Him, and to lean with all your might upon that arm that balances the universe, and upon that bosom that bled for you upon the soldier's spear!

But you doubtingly ask, "Is the Lord able to do this thing for me?" And thus, while you are debating a matter about which there is not the shadow of a shade of doubt, the burden is crushing your gentle spirit to the dust. And all the while Jesus stands at your side and lovingly says, "Cast your burden upon Me — and I will sustain you. I am God Almighty! I bore the load of your sin and condemnation up the steep of Calvary; and the same power of omnipotence, and the same strength of love that bore it all for you then — is prepared to bear your need and sorrow now. Roll it all upon Me! Child of My love! Lean hard! Let Me feel the pressure of your care. I know your burden, child! I shaped it — I poised it in My own hand and made no proportion of its weight to your unaided strength. For even as I laid it on, I said I shall be near, and while she leans on Me, this burden shall be Mine, not hers. So shall I keep My child within the encircling arms of My own love. Here lay it down! Do not fear to impose it on a shoulder which upholds the government of worlds! Yet closer come! You are not near enough! I would embrace your burden, so I might feel My child reposing on My bosom. You love Me! I know it. Doubt not, then. But, loving Me, lean hard!"

Tears...

My dear one,

Today has been a day of tears for a couple of reasons, none of which I can really spell out in this letter. (I had a hard time keeping my composure in one particular lesson I taught this afternoon. I'm so weary of my professional and personal lives doing battle against one another.) The Lord is certainly testing my faith, and I feel like such a failure. What might have seemed like hope a few weeks ago, has once again returned to numb resignation. Will I ever learn? Is God holding you back from me because of my foolishness?

Well, instead of wallowing, I must go bake some cookies... a labor of love for all my students giving their performance juries tomorrow. If you were here, you would be my taste-tester.

Pray for me, as I pray for you, sweetheart...
All my love,
Me

Psalm 56

Verse 8...
    You have kept count of my tossings;
        put my tears in Your bottle.
        Are they not in Your book?

O Father, though no one else may ever witness these tears, You catch every one. O Loving Shepherd, You know the deep emotions of sorrow, loneliness, wordless anguish. O Comforter, You  helps me in my weakness. I do not know what to pray for as I ought, but You intercede for me with groanings too deep for words.

 

My Wordless Prayer by Pamela Martin

My words lie still and lifeless as dust upon the sand,
I can no longer voice one request or one demand,
My cup of tears is empty, I can no longer cry,
My lips have fallen silent, my prayer is but a sigh.

Spirit come and rest Your ear upon my heart,
O come and hear my wordless prayer,
My silent plea, and take them far away from me.
Take them from this heart of mine
To the Father's heart divine,
Speak in tones unknown to man

That God may hear and understand.

My voice is weak from calling to You both night and day.
How long will You be silent? Why do You turn away?

Spirit, come and rest Your ear upon my heart;
Come and hear my wordless prayer,
My silent plea, and take them far away from me.
Take them from this heart of mine to the Father's heart divine.
Speak in tones unknown to man

That God may hear and understand.

(Beautiful setting here by Craig Courtney)