For my good

My dear one, 

I write honestly tonight, no holding back as I am too prone to do...

Over the past year, so imperceptibly gradually that I didn't notice it happening, my heart became captured by the idea of the potential of a relationship with someone. Yeah, not a lot to really stake hope upon there, right? But more and more, I began truly believing that this was something that the Lord would "work out" despite the seeming impossibility of the whole scenario. The hope building in my heart made it easier to go to work, easier to live.

The thing is, now that I realize this hope is gone, I regret the time and energy I poured into mere thoughts and dreams. I'm sure I missed many opportunities in the day-to-day happenings of the past year, opportunities to minister to my students, chances to be an encouragement, lend a hand, be a listening ear. And I grieve this just as much as I grieve the loss of that glimmer of hope.

I am choosing to replace the "if only" with "reasons for joy NOW." I keep thinking of the message of John 14 I heard preached recently - "It is for your good that I depart from you." And foolish though it might sound, I took those words for the specific situation I was/am mourning ... and am choosing to believe that God's removal of this certain one from my daily experience is for my good. In the past three weeks since the school year ended, my time in God's Word has been sweeter than I ever remember. My tearful prayers have drawn me closer into fellowship with the Lord. And the devotional reading that remains a priority this summer has already revived my fainting heart again and again through countless pages of wisdom from years gone by.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.

(Samuel Rodigast, trans. Catherine Winkworth)

 

And as I close this letter, I receive the heartbreaking news that a precious little child has been called home to heaven. O Lord, shed Your peace on all those sorrowing tonight!

 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. 

Not as the world gives do I give to you. 

Let not your hearts be troubled, 

Neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)