Goodbye Christmas... Hello, snow

My dear one,

Rain has begun this afternoon, with snow close on its heels. I'm more excited than is warranted... Ever since my parents moved away from Western New York, I have been nostalgic at every snowflake that comes my way here in a more "southern" state.

I just finished storing away all my Christmas decorations. A bittersweet farewell to one season, and an expectant greeting to the next! January and February typically leave me feeling hollow and listless, but I've done much already to ward off those feelings this year. I have a lovely binder full of short-term and long-term projects and goals. And fear not, there is room for you in those plans. Truly, many of them are designed to prepare me for the bright future when at long last you will be in the picture.

My career goals are necessarily flexible; I don't want to become too tied down at this institution where I presently teach. And that means maintaining a vibrant performing schedule and building connections within my field: visiting colleges throughout the southeast to give master classes and solo recitals, publishing articles in certain relevant journals, performing/speaking at regional and national conferences and conventions, etc. Even if my heart is not always in it. All this so that if I ever move (or am terminated from my current position, perish the thought...), I will have a curriculum vitae worthy of consideration for another institution. Yet I don't yearn for fame in the normal sense of the word. If anything, I want to be known as a shining light for Christ. When I am gone, I want those who knew me to be able to say, "Yes, she was a wonderful musician and teacher, but even more importantly she was committed to Christ and living out the gospel before her neighbors. She was a dedicated teacher who loved her students and encouraged them to use their abilities for the Kingdom."

...So it follows that another one of my priorities is that of hospitality and friendship. I truly desire to be a better friend and encourager to those around me. Last night a friend came over and we chatted over a simple cup of tea. Slowly, my arsenal of tasty, nutritional, foolproof recipes is increasing. My latest adventure was making Whole30-compliant sausage patties with pork from a local farm. (Food tastes all the better when I know the quality of every ingredient!) I like to think that it's a recipe you'd ask for frequently... It's my goal to get more comfortable inviting folks over to my apartment; I've been unduly nervous about sounding pathetic in doing so. But if I were in another's shoes, wouldn't I jump at the chance at an invitation to a home-cooked meal and old-fashioned fellowship?

...The rain is now of the freezing variety. The ice creates a roar as it hit the hardy leaves of the magnolia outside my window. I'll not be venturing out for the rest of the day, so I've changed into my fuzzy robe and lit my wood-wick candle. Winter weather is made for cozy times like this (or is it the other way around?). Please tell me I'm not pathetic for making the best of my solitude, embracing it, enjoying edifying books and seasons of prayer...

Praying for you, my dear one...
Your Evenstar

Nothing but the empty air

And sometimes, at nighttime 

I dream that you are there-- 

But wake holding nothing but the empty air...

My dear one, 

Last night I dreamed of a conversation with you, though you did not have a face. I'm sorry for this constant doubt that you exist somewhere out there. For idolizing the idea of you while not having an inkling of what you are actually like. For not being patient for God's timing. For the mistakes I will make when I meet you. For the ways I will let you down or disappoint you. I'm sorry for your frustration in finding the right girl. For the times you've been hurt in the past. For the ways you will be misunderstood or falsely accused in the future. 

How can I wait? The nights alone are kind; 

They reach forth to a future day, and bring 

Sweet dreams of you to people all my mind; 

And time speeds by on light and airy wing. 

I feast upon your face, I no more sing, 

How can I wait? 

How can I wait? The morning breaks the spell 

A pitying night has flung upon my soul. 

You are not near me, and I know full well 

My heart has need of patience and control; 

Before we meet, hours, days, and weeks must roll, 

How can I wait? 

(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

...

On a happier note, some friends from church announced their upcoming adoption of a little boy from China. They have the sweetest story-- their fourth baby, whom I'll call "Michael," was born with a heart condition (which has been treated over a series of surgeries through the past few years), and they became burdened for other heart babies who have no one to invest in the necessary medical treatment. When Michael was two, they adopted a three-year-old girl from China ("Gabriela") and she has already had several surgeries and much improvement. Michael and Gabriela are now both in my Sunday School class. And very soon "Daniel," only 17 days younger than Michael, will be joining the family! I find myself wondering if you would ever consider the ministry of adoption for our family. It is certainly a subject I'd love to at least discuss with you... And when I say that, I'm not being pushy. Contrary to what many women hold, "discussion" does not mean winning a man over to the woman's view of things. But I digress! Ever since reading Russell Moore's book Adopted for Life I have been captivated by the beauty of adoption and its picture of the gospel.

I have three flute students lined up for afternoon lessons. Though I still have a week left of my Christmas break, they're back into their school schedules, so I'm perfectly willing to teach them anyway. The income that my home teaching brings in is a blessing!

Wherever this first Monday of the new year finds you, I wish you God's best and am praying for you!

Loving you, 
Your Evenstar