Knowing you

My dear one, 

My thoughts are a jumble, but if I wait to craft the perfect letter, it will never materialize...

Do I know you? To know you will be to be proud of you, your character, your accomplishments. Knowing you will make me want to introduce you to my family and friends. 

My heart has kept someone in prayer for over a year and a half. Someone whose eight-month absence left an empty place in my heart. Someone whose return this past winter brought renewed though fragile hope. Someone whose character and accomplishments have earned him the respect of all those around him. Someone with whom I'd be proud to be identified. Someone who tonight made me break into a bigger smile than I've felt for some time. 

But when it is someone who may never dare to approach a closer friendship with me, what am I to do but ask the Lord for strength to accept His will?

The intensity of my desire for attention and affection is nothing compared to Christ's jealousy for my devotion and allegiance. My longings for companionship give me a tiny glimpse of the paradisal communion between God and our first parents.

So as I fight for sleep on this sleepless night, I leave you, my dear one, with this:

Liszt's piano transcription of Schumann's Widmung ("Dedication")... 

Du meine Seele, du mein Herz,
Du meine Wonn’, O du mein Schmerz,
Du meine Welt, in der ich lebe,
Mein Himmel du, darein ich schwebe,
O du mein Grab, in das hinab
Ich ewig meinen Kummer gab.

Du bist die Ruh, du bist der Frieden,
Du bist vom Himmel mir beschieden.
Daß du mich liebst, macht mich mir wert,
Dein Blick hat mich vor mir verklärt,
Du hebst mich liebend über mich,
Mein guter Geist, mein beßres Ich!

(text by Friedrich Rückert)

Psalm 31

Verse 15... 

"...my times are in Thy hand"

Charles H. Spurgeon: The great truth is this — all that concerns the believer is in the hands of the Almighty God. "My times," these change and shift; but they change only in accordance with unchanging love, and they shift only according to the purpose of One with whom is no variableness nor shadow of a turning. "My times," that is to say, my ups and my downs, my health and my sickness, my poverty and my wealth — all those are in the hand of the Lord, who arranges and appoints according to His holy will the length of my days, and the darkness of my nights. Storms and calms vary the seasons at the divine appointment. Whether times are reviving or depressing remains with Him Who is Lord both of time and of eternity; and we are glad it is so.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Octavius Winslow: God has placed us in a school in which He is teaching us to lay our blind reason at His feet, to cease from our own wisdom and, guidance, and lean upon and confide in Him, as children with a parent. The goodness of God to us, combined with a jealous regard to His own glory, constrains Him to conceal the path along which He conducts us. His promise is, "I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them" (Isaiah 42:16)... How unfitted should we be to discharge our duties, to sustain our responsibilities, to meet our trials, cope with our difficulties, and bear with our sorrows, were they all to confront us this moment! Oh! how kindly, wisely, and tenderly does our Father deal with us! And in no part of His providential dealings is His goodness more clearly seen than in veiling all our future from our reach. Let us sit down at Jesus' feet, thanking him that the "life which we now live in the flesh," we live not by sight, but by "faith in the Son of God, who loved us, and gave Himself for us."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

My times are in Thy hand; my God, I wish them there;

My life, my friends, my soul I leave entirely to Thy care.

My times are in Thy hand; whatever they may be;

Pleasing or painful, dark or bright, as best may seem to Thee.

My times are in Thy hand; why should I doubt or fear?

My Father's hand will never cause His child a needless tear.

My times are in Thy hand, Jesus, the crucified!

Those hands my cruel sins had pierced are now my guard and guide.

My times are in Thy hand, Jesus, my Advocate:

Nor shall Thine hand be stretched in vain, for me to supplicate.

My times are in Thy hand, I'll always trust in Thee;

And, after death, at Thy right hand I shall forever be.

-- William F. Lloyd

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Father, I know that all my life is portioned out for me,

And the changes that are sure to come I do not fear to see;

But I ask Thee for a present mind intent on pleasing Thee.

I ask Thee for a thoughtful love, through constant watching wise,

To meet the glad with joyful smiles, and to wipe the weeping eyes;

And a heart at leisure from itself, to soothe and sympathize.

I would not have the restless will that hurries to and fro,

Seeking for some great thing to do or secret thing to know;

I would be treated as a child, and guided where I go.

Wherever in the world I am, in whatsoe'er estate,

I have a fellowship with hearts to keep and cultivate;

And a work of lowly love to do for the Lord on Whom I wait.

So I ask Thee for daily strength, to none that ask denied,

And a mind to blend with outward life while keeping at Thy side;

Content to fill a little space, if Thou be glorified.

And if some things I do not ask in my cup of blessing be,

I would have my spirit filled the more with grateful love to Thee,

More careful, not to serve Thee much, but to please Thee perfectly.

There are briers besetting every path that call for patient care;

There is a cross in every lot, and an earnest need for prayer;

But a lowly heart that leans on Thee is happy anywhere.

In a service which Thy will appoints there are no bonds for me;

For my inmost heart is taught "the truth" that makes Thy children "free,"

And a life of self-renouncing love is a life of liberty.

-- Anna L. Waring

Psalm 32

Verse 8...

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; 

     I will counsel you with My eye upon you. 

"I will instruct you..." -- God makes His children wise in divine matters. He gives understanding to the simple where before there was none!

"...and teach you in the way you should go..." -- God gives direction in practical matters of sanctification and godly living. His Word is "profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."

"I will counsel you with My eye upon you" -- He doesn't merely send us out on the path of His divine decree, but goes with us as our Guide and Helper. Adam and Eve enjoyed sweet communion with God in the Garden of Eden before the Fall wrought a painful distance between them and God. But God, in sending the promised Saviour to undo the curse, made a way for us to again enter into His presence!

These three facets to God's direction for His people, outlined in Psalm 32:8, can also provide a model for His followers who seek to teach others as well. A Christian disciple-maker desires to impart godly wisdom and practical guidance, coming alongside his students to journey with them.

Psalm 33

Verses 18-22...

Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,
on those who hope in His steadfast love,
that He may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.
Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in Him,
because we trust in His holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we hope in You.

"Each member of the faithful who sings this, and takes to heart the greatness and wonder of God, is enabled more and more to rest his soul on the Lord, confident that God’s plans will succeed in the earth." (ESV Study Bible)

I'm still here

My dear one,

By God's grace, and with His enabling strength, I made it through what very well may have been the most stressful week of my life to date. Yes, even more stressful than the week I defended my dissertation (two years ago around this time). I pulled off a major state-wide event in my field, with the help of many colleagues and friends. And now I'm counting down the days to the end of the semester. Though life has kept me away from writing these letters more faithfully, my busyness has not kept me from praying for you. I'm watching and waiting, hoping silently and helping secretly...

As ever,
Your Evenstar

It is not a word spoken

It is not a word spoken, 

Few words are said; 

Nor even a look of the eyes 

Nor a bend of the head, 

But only a hush of the heart 

That has too much to keep, 

Only memories waking 

That sleep so light a sleep. 

—Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)

Rich toward God

A new year, a clean slate, a fresh start. I'm glad 2014 is over. And yet I have apprehensions and doubts about looming responsibilities in 2015.

I have not intentionally laid out specific resolutions for the new year; rather, I've searched for a word or phrase to guide my pursuits, habits, attitudes, and priorities. A few strands of thought have been weaving themselves together to form my "phrase for 2015." In my Bible reading the other day, I was struck by the words Pharaoh gave Joseph to assure his brothers: "Have no concern for your goods, for the best of all the land of Egypt is yours." (Genesis 45:20)

It made me think about the imperishable, undefiled, unfading inheritance God gives His people. Not only is it kept in heaven for us, but even now we enjoy those "immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." (Ephesians 2:7)

And remember that phrase from a time-tested hymn?

"Solid joys and lasting treasure
None but Zion's children know."

Rich toward God! – I recalled the passage in Luke 12 where Christ used the phrase "rich toward God" in His parable about the foolish mindset of a prosperous farmer. Immediately following the parable Christ continued the theme of living "rich toward God" as He spoke to His disciples: 

"Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on... For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you have need of them. Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom... Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Luke 12:22b, 30-32, 34)

Words of comfort, yes, but also words of instruction. Paul similarly exhorted the Colossian believers: 

"[Since] then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth... You have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator... Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." (Colossians 3:1-3, 9b-10, 15)

And to young pastor Timothy: 

"As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life." (1 Timothy 6:17-19)

I pray that 2015 will be a year in which the realization of our riches in Christ leads to our deeper gratitude, joy, contentment, peace, humility, and generosity. 

Rich toward God!

May this be true in my life, and in yours, my dear one.

A new year

My dear one, 

I think of you on this eve of the new year. My heart continues to pray for you, even when I don't know the words to use. 

I plan to pick back up with more consistent writing in the days to come. This holiday season, stressful though it has been as I am visiting family, has given me some time to "re-boot," and I have been feeding on a particular theme in Scripture that has given me strength to face 2015! More on that soon...

For now, I wish you a blessed year, and I save my midnight kiss for you.

All my love, 
Your Evenstar

Heidelberg Catechism Week 52

127. Q. What does the sixth request mean? A. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one" means, By ourselves we are too weak to hold our own even for a moment. And our sworn enemies - the devil, the world, and our own flesh - never stop attacking us. And so, Lord, uphold us and make us strong with the strength of Your Holy Spirit, so that we may not go down to defeat in this spiritual struggle, but may firmly resist our enemies until we finally win the complete victory.

128. Q. What does your conclusion to this prayer mean? A. "For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever" means, We have made all these requests of You because, as our all-powerful King, You not only want to, but are able to give us all that is good; and because Your holy name, and not we ourselves, should receive all the praise, forever.

129. Q. What does that little word "Amen" express? A. "Amen" means, This is sure to be! It is even more sure that God listens to my prayer, than that I really desire what I pray for.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

DeYoung: "God loves it when we pray, because sincere, honest prayer in Jesus' name shows two of the most essential virtues in a Christian: humility and trust." 

"For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Heb. 4:15-16). 

"God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Cor. 10:13). That "way to escape" is not freedom from temptation, but victory in temptation. The apostle Paul knew this deliverance, and he saw it to be a continuing deliverance: "The Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto His heaven kingdom: to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen" (2 Tim. 4:18). And one day we will be completely delivered from the presence of all sin and evil!

Thine is the kingdom – Thy kingdom come!
Praise ye the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!

Thine is the power – Thy will be done!
Praise ye the Lord, Who over all things so wondrously reigneth!

Thine is the glory – Hallowed be Thy name!
Praise ye the Lord! O let all that is in me adore Him!

"Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen." (Jude 24-25)

Heidelberg Catechism Week 51

126. Q. What does the fifth request mean? A. "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" means, Because of Christ's blood, do not hold against us, poor sinners that we are, any of the sins we do or the evil that constantly clings to us. Forgive us just as we are fully determined, as evidence of Your grace in us, to forgive our neighbors.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

DeYoung: "Forgiveness means our sins are no longer counted against us and we no longer count the sins of those who have hurt us."

Unwillingness to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged me is a sin that I must confess and repent of, if I sense it creeping into my life – because it hinders my fellowship with God! The parable of the unmerciful servant (Matt. 18:23-35) tells of one who refused to demonstrate to others the same forgiveness and kindness that he himself had received. This parable underscores the vital link between God's forgiveness of us and our own forgiving spirit. If I am unable to forgive others, I should look closely at my relationship with the Lord! 

May I treat others as the Lord has treated me – with forgiveness and grace! "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32). It is through my Christlike attitude of forgiveness that I point others to the Saviour!

It's no fairy tale...

What little girl doesn't dream of being a princess? I believe that such a "fairy-tale wish" for a prince to choose her, pursue her, sweep her off her feet, make her his own, pledge to her his life, give her his kingdom, is fundamentally a God-given desire. However, that longing cannot be ultimately fulfilled in an earthly spouse, but rather by the Heavenly Bridegroom, the King of kings, the Lord Jesus Christ. Instead of waiting impatiently for a modern-day "knight-in-shining-armor" to arrive on the scene and make me his bride, I am called to eagerly anticipate the coming of Christ to join His bride, the Church. He has established a kingdom, and He is preparing for me a dwelling-place and a marriage feast. By uniting with the other members of His Church, I testify that He has purchased me and cleansed me with His blood, and declared me His beautiful and chosen one. This season of Advent, I eagerly read and re-read His messages of love and seek for ways to honor that love. I turn my focus to the idea of waiting, anticipating, preparing myself for His coming and the consummation of blessings that are already mine.

John Piper: "[God] may be . . . graciously and tenderly frustrating you with life that is not centered on Christ and filling you with longings and desires that can't find their satisfaction in what this world offers, but only in the God-man."

Heidelberg Catechism Week 50

125. Q. What does the fourth request mean? A. "Give us today our daily bread" means, Do take care of all our physical needs so that we come to know that You are the only source of everything good, and that neither our work and worry nor Your gifts can do us any good without Your blessings. And so help us to give up our trust in creatures and to put trust in You alone.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

DeYoung: "The simple act of getting on our knees... is the surest sign of our humility and dependence on God. There may be many reasons for our prayerlessness - time management, busyness, lack of concentration - but most fundamentally, we ask not because we think we need not... Prayerlessness is an expression of our meager confidence in God's ability to provide and of our strong confidence in our ability to take care of ourselves without God's help."

It is no accident that the Lord's Prayer opens with petitions concerning God Himself (His glory, kingdom, and will), before turning to personal needs. This order reflects the priorities we must maintain in our thinking and our praying. In fact, this sixth chapter of Matthew ends with the reminder to "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness," and THEN "all these things shall be added unto you" (verse 33).

Yet we are indeed invited to make our everyday material needs known to our Heavenly Father. We acknowledge that we come to the throne of grace empty-handed, dependent upon our Jehovah-Jireh, the God who provides. When we read Abraham's confident statement to Isaac, "My son, God will provide himself a lamb" (Gen. 22:8), we look ahead to the time when Christ, the Lamb of God, became God's provision for us – the perfect Substitute and Sacrifice.

Exodus 16 records for us how our faithful God sustained Israel each day with manna in the wilderness. Through this miracle, the people learned lessons about daily dependence and trust. The Lord desires for us to exhibit the same attitude as we look to Him in faith to provide everything we need: from physical nourishment and strength, to the salvation of our souls! Let us sing with the Psalmist, "The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing" (Ps. 145:15-16).

Advent longings

"Celebrating Advent means being able to wait. Waiting is an art that our impatient age has forgotten. It wants to break open the ripe fruit when it has hardly finished planting the shoot. But all too often greedy eyes are only deceived; the fruit that seemed so precious is still green on the inside, and disrespectful hands ungratefully toss aside what has so disappointed them. Whoever does not know the austere blessedness of waiting—that is, of hopefully doing without—will never experience the full blessing of fulfillment. Those who do not know how it feels to struggle anxiously with the deepest questions of life, of their life, and to patiently look forward with anticipation until the truth is revealed, cannot even dream of the splendour of the moment in which clarity is illuminated for them... For the greatest, most profound, tenderest things in the world, we must wait. It happens not here in a storm but according to the divine laws of sprouting, growing, and becoming... Not everyone can wait: neither the sated nor the satisfied nor those without respect can wait. The only ones who can wait are people who carry restlessness around with them and people who look up with reverence to the greatest in the world. Thus Advent can be celebrated only by those whose souls give them no peace, who know that there poor and incomplete, and who sense something of the greatness that is supposed to come, before which they can only bow in humble timidity, waiting until he inclines himself toward us—the Holy One himself, God in the child in the manger."
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"If there is a longing in your heart this Advent for something that the world has not been able to satisfy, might not this longing be God's Christmas gift preparing you to see Christ as consolation and redemption...?" 

— John Piper

Heidelberg Catechism Week 49

124. Q. What does the third request mean? A. "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" means, Help us and all people to reject our own wills and to obey Your will without any back talk. Your will alone is good. Help us one and all to carry out the work we are called to, as willingly and faithfully as the angels in heaven.

My reflections on the reading from the book...

DeYoung: "When we pray 'Your will be done,' we are confessing our confidence that God knows best, that His plans are good, that His way is always the right way." 

George Muller, a servant of the Lord known for his perseverance in prayer, provides us with some valuable counsel:

1. Be slow to take new steps in the Lord's service, or in your business, or in your families: weigh everything well; weigh all in the light of the Holy Scriptures and in the fear of God.
2. Seek to have no will of your own, in order to ascertain the mind of God, regarding any steps you propose taking, so that you can honestly say you are willing to do the will of God, if He will only please to instruct you.
3. But when you have found out what the will of God is, seek for His help, and seek it earnestly, perseveringly, patiently, believingly, expectantly; and you will surely in His own time and way obtain it.

Thou sweet beloved will of God,
My anchor ground, my fortress hill,
My spirit's silent, fair abode,
In Thee I hide me, and am still.

O Will that willest good alone,
Lead Thou the way, Thou guidest best;
A little child, I follow on,
And trusting, lean upon Thy breast.

O lightest burden, sweetest yoke!
It lifts, it bears my happy soul;
It giveth wings to this poor heart;
My freedom is Thy grand control.

Upon God's will I lay me down,
As child upon its mother's breast;
No silken couch, nor softest bed,
Could ever give me such deep rest.

Thou wonderful, grand will, my God,
With triumph now I make it mine;
And faith shall cry a joyous "Yes!"
To ev'ry dear command of Thine. 

(Gerhard Tersteegen, stanzas 1-2, & Jean S. Pigott, stanzas 3-5)

Stumps and branches

"Out of the stump of David's family will grow a shoot - yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root" (Isaiah 11:1). What hope in this promise of the Saviour!

I too am a lifeless stump, longing for a tender shoot of hope. I wait for love, I yearn for companionship. But God calls me to notice new life in another area - He points to the work His Spirit is doing in my heart to enable me to see the love He has for me, the companionship He provides, the joy and satisfaction only He can give.

As I sit by my newly decorated Christmas tree and listen to Advent music centuries old, I wish I could share these beautiful moments with a kindred spirit. And then my heart whispers, "You are not alone. Immanuel!" Words of deep consolation - God with me!