I'm preparing for a trip to see family for Christmas. I am looking forward to Thursday's ten-hour drive, and my podcast/sermon/audiobook playlists are all queued up. Yet part of me would rather stay in my own little apartment for the holiday. After all, this is home now. My parents live at (and work for) a retirement community that leaves me feeling somewhat depressed. The town where I grew up and the house where I have so many childhood memories are no longer a part of my Christmastime. I love my parents and grandparents dearly, but there are inevitable conflicts that arise over unexpected misunderstandings. I feel like there's no way for them to really understand who I have become. How can I explain my insecurities, frustrations, failures, and unspoken longings? How do I begin to tell them about my goals, challenges, and dreams? And if even my own family doesn't know the real me, how can I ever expect the Lord to give me a soulmate who can read my heart, understand my vision, and sing the same melody along with me? I desperately want this visit to be different. Oh that it could be a proving ground of my abilities to maintain trusting, loving relationships! Occasionally I have daydreamed about what it would be like to introduce you, my dear one, to my family. Certainly there would be some initial awkwardness, but on the whole I would be so eager and excited for them to see and know the treasure God had brought me. I'm praying fervently that you would know the joys of the Christmas season, wherever you are!
...Your Evenstar
Sweeter sounds than music knows
Charm me in Immanuel's name;
All her hopes my spirit owes
To His birth, and cross, and shame.
When He came, the angels sung,
"Glory be to God on high;"
Lord, unloose my stamm'ring tongue,
Who should louder sing than I?
Did the Lord a man become,
That He might the law fulfil,
Bleed and suffer in my room,
And canst thou, my tongue, be still?
No, I must my praises bring,
Though they worthless are and weak;
For should I refuse to sing,
Sure the very stones would speak.
O my Saviour, Shield, and Sun,
Shepherd, Brother, Husband, Friend,
Ev'ry precious name in one,
I will love Thee without end.
– John Newton
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